Alan Reed: Fred Flintstone

Ventriloquist Barney

Fred Flintstone

Fred Flintstone: It's a good thing the arena's so close. We don't need the car.
Barney Rubble: Yeah. Boy, this ought to be some match, Fred. That Bronto Crushrock is a terror. Hey, did you ever see him when he gets real mad?
Fred Flintstone: No.
Barney Rubble: Oh, his face gets red.
[Barney's face turns red]
Barney Rubble: His eyes bulge out.
[Barney bulges out his eyes]
Barney Rubble: His nose turns purple.
[Barney's turns his nose purple]
Barney Rubble: Oh, gee, I wish I could describe how horrible he looks.
Fred Flintstone: You're doing fine.
Barney Rubble: [turns his face normal] Oops, Fred, I forgot the tickets. I left them on your TV set.
Fred Flintstone: You left the tickets on the T... Why, you stupid... Oooh!
[Fred's face turns red and his eyes bulges out]
Fred Flintstone: Of all the dumb...
Barney Rubble: Fred, that's it!
Fred Flintstone: That's what?
Barney Rubble: That's how Bronto Crushrock looks when he gets real mad.

Fred Flintstone: Well, the wrestling match is out for me, Barney. I guess you'll have to go alone.
Barney Rubble: Oh, gee, it's no fun going alone.
Fred Flintstone: I know, but I can't go. It's too late to get another babysitter even if I wanted to.
Barney Rubble: Hey, Fred, why not take Pebbles along?
Fred Flintstone: Take her along?
[Pebbles reacts excitedly]
Barney Rubble: Hey, look. She wants to go.
Fred Flintstone: Barney, I can't take a little girl to a wrestling match.
Barney Rubble: Oh, no, I suppose not. But if it was a boy, you would, huh?
Fred Flintstone: Well, yeah, yeah, if Pebbles was a boy, I'd take her in a minute.
[Pebbles angrily lays back down in her crib]
Barney Rubble: In other words, what you are doing is discriminating against your own daughter because she's a girl.
Fred Flintstone: You are right, Barney! I'm blaming Pebbles for something that ain't her fault.
Barney Rubble: That's very bad child psychology, Fred. She could grow up resenting you.
Fred Flintstone: Yeah, I can't have her hating me the rest of her life, Barney. I have got to take her. Come on, sweetheart. Daddy's taking you bye bye.

[after Barney tricks Fred into thinking Pebbles spoke using his ventriloquism]
Fred Flintstone: Imagine talking at her age! Wilma, we got a genius in the family. At this rate, in no time at all, she'll be leaving for college.
Wilma Flintstone: Really? Then I'd better start dinner. I don't like saying goodbye on an empty stomach.

Barney Rubble: It's a good thing you got home before Wilma, huh, Fred?
Fred Flintstone: What do you mean, it's a good thing? Are you suggesting I'm afraid to have Wilma know I took Pebbles to the wrestling match?
Barney Rubble: Well, uh...
Fred Flintstone: Listen, Barney, I am boss in my family. I do what I want when I want.
[Fred walks into the next room]
Barney Rubble: Oh, sure, Fred.
[mimics Wilma's voice]
Barney Rubble: Fred, where have you been?
[Fred rushes back]
Fred Flintstone: Well, Wilma, y-you see, I... I... I...
[Barney laughs]

Fred Flintstone: [after spinning around on his head for Pebbles] Oh, boy. What a workout.
Barney Rubble: Hey, you're lucky, Fred. She could've asked you to do some back flips.
Fred Flintstone: Quiet! Don't give her any ideas! Pebbles, honey, Daddy's tired now, so...
Barney Rubble: [using his ventriloquism] Daddy, do some back flips.
Fred Flintstone: B-B-B-B-But, Pebbles, sweetheart...
Barney Rubble: Daddy, you said you'd do anything.
Fred Flintstone: Yeah, yeah. Th-That's right, Pebbles.
[Fred notices Pebbles is sleeping and looks suspiciously at Barney]
Fred Flintstone: So you want me to do some back flips, huh? Even if you're asleep?
Barney Rubble: [still using his ventriloquism] Yes, Daddy, or I'll cry.
Fred Flintstone: Well, you ain't the only one who's gonna cry, Pebbles. Barney's gonna cry, too, when I break every bone in his body!
[Barney runs away with Fred chasing after him]
Fred Flintstone: Throw your voice at me, will ya?
Barney Rubble: Oh, now... now... now, don't get sore, Fred. It was just a little joke.
Fred Flintstone: Who's sore? I just wanna congratulate you on being such a good ventriloquist. I just wanna shake your throat!