- [Philip and Vivian do not agree on how to raise Hilary]
- Philip Banks: A girl should always listen to her father.
- Vivian Banks: In that case I never would've married you!
- Philip Banks: Well, that was different. Your father had it in for me. What was it again that he didn't like about me?
- Vivian Banks: It was a tie between your family and your temper.
- Philip Banks: Well I'll tell you one thing: I sure don't miss him.
- [Vivian glares at Philip]
- Philip Banks: God rest his soul.
- Philip Banks: I want to talk to you about something. It's about my daughter posing for your magazine. Now, suppose your daughter got involved in this whole world?
- Hugh M. Hefner: My daughter is involved in this whole world. She runs the Playboy empire.
- Philip Banks: Okay, well, then let's say someone you really care about, like your wife. Suppose she decided to pose?
- Hugh M. Hefner: Well, my wife was the Playmate of the year, and I'm very proud of that.
- Philip Banks: Don't you understand there are some parents who aren't comfortable with their daughters being stared at by millions of people?
- Hugh M. Hefner: I understand. Over the years, I've had to deal with a lot of parents. You seem like a decent man. I promise you, the pictures will be tasteful.
- Will Smith: I have never seen so many women that I have wanted to give mouth to mouth resuscitation to!
- Will Smith: [in a dapper suit] I guess I can kiss Heaven good bye because it has got to be a sin to look this good.
- [Phil and Will look at Hilary's Playboy cover]
- Philip Banks: My God, it's a miracle! She's covered up!
- Will Smith: [turns the page] But this little girl is not.
- Philip Banks, Will Smith: Ooooh... Hallelujah!
- Philip Banks: So you said your daughter could pose for Playboy?
- Vivian Banks: No, I said I didn't like it, but I also said she's a grown woman and it's her choice.