The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (TV Series)

Will Goes a Courtin' (1993)

James Avery: Philip Banks

Quotes 

• Geoffrey : [to Uncle Phil]  Would you like a Swedish meatball, sir?

  Philip Banks : Don't mind if I do.

  [goes to get one] 

  Geoffrey : Only one, sir. The rest are for Master William and his friends, poolside.

  Philip Banks : What? I can't believe that he would deliberately disobey me!

  Geoffrey : I wouldn't call it disobedience, sir. It's more like outright defiance.

  [Uncle Phil storms outside; Geoffrey moves his hands like a puppeteer] 

  Geoffrey : That's it! Dance, puppets, dance!

• Philip Banks : [to Will and Carlton]  How dare you two defy me?

  Carlton Banks : Now, see here, big guy!

  [Uncle Phil pokes Carlton's duck tube causing it to pop] 

  Carlton Banks : Oh, my God! Howard!

  [runs away and starts crying] 

• Phillip Banks : All right, Will... if that's the way you want it... Mm ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

• Steffi : Hi, Mr. Banks.

  Philip Banks : Steffi, do your parents know you're here?

  Steffi : I don't think so. They're in Aspen.

  [sees a guy pass by] 

  Steffi : And I'm in heaven!

• Steffi : Hi, Mr. Banks.

  Philip Banks : Steffi, do your parents know you're here?

  Steffi : The hell with my parents! Will taught me that.

• Philip Banks : [when Will tries to give him a handshake]  I don't want your hand, I want my rent.

  William 'Will' Smith : Oh, man, I don't believe... did you learn nothing from all this mess?

  Philip Banks : Yeah. Never rent to relatives.

• Philip Banks : [to Carlton]  Do you know how humiliating it is to have a son who can't swim?

• Steffi : Hello, Mr. Banks.

  Philip Banks : What's she doing here?

  William 'Will' Smith : She wandered over, lonely and crying. I didn't have the heart to turn her away.

  Philip Banks : Hit the bricks, you little tramp!

  [Steffi runs away] 

  Philip Banks : Out of here! And tell your mother your father has a girlfriend!

• William 'Will' Smith : [to Uncle Phil]  No, check it out. On the serious tip, you got to fix our air conditioner today. We got some people coming over for a party and as good hosts, we'd prefer that they didn't melt.

  Philip Banks : Sorry, Uncle Phil has left the building. You're now talking to Landlord Banks and he's not fixing anything until he gets his rent.

• Philip Banks : Will, I am going back in the house and when I come out, I want all of these people gone.

  William 'Will' Smith : Well, they will be if you come out in the morning, Uncle Phil.

  Philip Banks : Wait, wait. Let me get this straight, young man. You are telling me what will or will not happen in my own house?

  William 'Will' Smith : Excuse me, but this is my house. I pay rent here too, eventually.

  Philip Banks : You watch how you talk to me.

  William 'Will' Smith : Well, then, Uncle Phil, stop treating me like a child.

  Philip Banks : Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was talking to a man.

• William 'Will' Smith : [to Hilary]  Okay, Miss Banks, you were the previous tenant in the aforementioned pool house, is that correct?

  Hilary Banks : Yes.

  William 'Will' Smith : And would you please tell us of your experiences there?

  Hilary Banks : Am I under oath?

  Judge : Of course.

  Hilary Banks : Well, Trevor would come over at about...

  William 'Will' Smith , Carlton Banks , Philip Banks : Objection!

• Philip Banks : Silence. If I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.

• Carlton Banks : We're going to appeal this decision. I intend to cite the landmark case of "Rhode Island v. Schechter Poultry."

  Philip Banks : That has to do with the right to hang dead chickens in a butcher-shop window.

• [first lines] 

  [Phil is on the phone with Vivian in Philadelphia] 

  Philip Banks : Everything is fine, Vivian. Tell Ashley and Nicky that I miss them too. Okay? Okay, love you. Oh, kiss your sister for me.

  [hangs up the phone] 

  Philip Banks : God knows I wouldn't do it.