Bruce Willis credited as playing...
Paul Stevens
- Rachel Green: [to Paul during dinner] So it seemed that my prom date had stood me up, so Ross selflessly offered to take me.
- Elizabeth Stevens: What a nice story.
- Paul Stevens: So Ross was in college, and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom?
- Rachel Green: I definitely did not see that one backfiring! I'm going to go to the bathroom.
- Dr. Ross Geller: [to Rachel] Yeah, you take your time.
- Dr. Ross Geller: [to Paul] Just so you know, I was a freshman and she was a senior, so it wasn't as bad as...
- Paul Stevens: [to Ross] Look, I know I've been giving you a lot of jabs - and it's partly that I'm very protective of my daughter, and partly because they keep coming to me! But I have to admit, after all the wonderful things Elizabeth has told me, and after the many, many, many things Rachel has told me... well, I guess you're not all bad.
- Dr. Ross Geller: [feeling satisfied] I'm not all bad.
- Paul Stevens: I'm sorry I was so harsh before, but you have to understand I still look at Elizabeth like she's a twelve-year-old girl.
- Dr. Ross Geller: You know what? I do that, too.
- Paul Stevens: I beg your pardon?
- Dr. Ross Geller: [nervously] Oh, no - I don't see her as a twelve-year-old girl. I have a son who's six, and I still think of him as a baby.
- Paul Stevens: You have a son?
- Dr. Ross Geller: Yes, my ex-wife and I share custody of Ben - and just so you know, Carol and I are on excellent terms, as I'm sure you are with your wife.
- Dr. Ross Geller: [nervously, remembering Paul is a widower] Oh, I'm very sorry.
- Paul Stevens: [as Rachel returns to the table] Don't worry about it; I didn't realize you were married.
- Rachel Green: We were, but that was a big drunken mistake.
- Dr. Ross Geller: [sarcastically to Rachel] Oh, great - you're back?
- Paul Stevens: You two were married?
- Rachel Green: [revealing Ross was married three times] Oh, whoops - you were talking about Emily.
- Dr. Ross Geller: [shamefully slams his head on the table]
- Paul Stevens: [sternly] So, Ross - what's your problem?
- Dr. Ross Geller: Excuse me?
- Paul Stevens: Why can't you get a girlfriend your own age?
- Dr. Ross Geller: [nervously] I don't know...
- Paul Stevens: I don't like you going out with my daughter.
- Dr. Ross Geller: OK, I can see that - but if you give me one chance, I can change your mind.
- Paul Stevens: [reluctantly] ... OK.
- Dr. Ross Geller: What?
- Paul Stevens: I'll give you one chance to change my mind.
- Dr. Ross Geller: Really?
- Paul Stevens: You have one minute.
- Elizabeth Stevens: Daddy!
- Paul Stevens: Fine; two minutes... go!
- Dr. Ross Geller: [stuttering nervously]
- Paul Stevens: [looks at his watch] A minute and fifty seconds...
- Dr. Ross Geller: [nervously] OK, I've never done anything like this before; I mean, I've been in relationships in general, but I've never done it with a student... Not "it"! We haven't done "it"; we've done "stuff"... OK, a joke to lighten the mood: Two guys into a bar, one of them is Irish...
- Paul Stevens: I'm Irish.
- Dr. Ross Geller: [thinking quickly] And the Irish guy wins the joke!