David Schwimmer: Dr. Ross Geller

The One with George Stephanopoulos

Dr. Ross Geller

Ross: [downcast] You know what? I'd better pass on the game. I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Joey: [looking thrilled] To hell with hockey! Let's all do that!

[first lines]
Monica Geller: [playing game] Phoebe?
Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I was omnipotent for a day, I'd want, uh, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain forest. And bigger boobs!
Ross: Oh. So you took mine! Chandler, how about you?
Chandler: Uh, if I was omnipotent for a day, I'd make myself omnipotent forever.
Rachel: [smirks] See? There's always one guy. "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes."

Monica Geller: [Phoebe's asleep, right there on the couch, in the middle of the day, between her friends] How does she do that?
Dr. Ross Geller: I *cannot* sleep in a public place.
Monica Geller: Look at her, she's so... *peaceful.*
Phoebe: [wakes up with a start] Ugh!
[they all jump]
Phoebe: What? What? What?
Dr. Ross Geller: It's okay. You just nodded off again.
Monica Geller: What's wrong with you?
Phoebe: I got no sleep last night.
Dr. Ross Geller: Why?
Phoebe: My grandmother has this new boyfriend. And they're both very insecure in bed. So... And deaf! And they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are.

Dr. Ross Geller: Oh, my God... oh... Is today the twentieth, October twentieth?
Monica Geller: I was hoping you won't remember.
Dr. Ross Geller: [sadly moaning:] Ohh...
Joey Tribbiani: What's wrong with the twentieth?
Chandler: Eleven days before Halloween, all the good costumes are gone?
Dr. Ross Geller: Today's the day Carol and I first consummated... our physical relationship...
[looks over at puzzled Joey]
Dr. Ross Geller: Sex.
[Joey nods]
Dr. Ross Geller: You know what? I think I'm just gonna pass on the game, go home, and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Joey Tribbiani: [rises] To hell with hockey, let's all do that!

Rachel: [joyously waving envelope about] Look, look, look, look, my first paycheck! Look, there's a window, and there's my name! Hi, me!
Phoebe: I remember the day that I got my first paycheck. There was a cave-in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed.
Monica Geller: What? You worked in a mine?
Phoebe: I worked in a Dairy Queen. Why?
Rachel: [opening her envelope] Now isn't this exciting? I *earned* this! I wiped tables for it, and it's totally...
[sees the amount on the check]
Rachel: not worth it. What's FICA? Why are they getting all my money? Chandler, look at that!
Chandler: Oh, this is not that bad.
Joey Tribbiani: You're fine, yeah, for a first job...
Dr. Ross Geller: You can totally, totally live on this.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Yeah!
Dr. Ross Geller: Hey, by the way, *great* service!
[everybody agrees and chips in with a tip for their poor destitute friend]