Don Adams credited as playing...
Maxwell Smart
- Maxwell Smart: Mr. Shurok, does the name KAOS mean anything to you?
- Shurok: KAOS? The international organization of evil? Formed in 1904 in Bucharest? Designed to forment unrest and revolution around the world?
- Maxwell Smart: Yes.
- Shurok: I never heard of it.
- The Contessa: I feel so safe with you protecting me, Mr. Smart.
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: Well, I don't like to boast, but of all the hundreds of people that I've guarded, I've only lost three.
- [the Contessa opens her make-up compact and is immediately killed by a burst of poison gas]
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: Would you believe four?
- Maxwell Smart: Killed by an exploding birthday cake. 99, there's something funny going on around here.
- # 99: Max, this hotel gives me the creeps. Exploding birthday cakes, volcanoes. Why would anybody wanna come here?
- Maxwell Smart: Well for one thing 99, you can't beat the rates.
- Maxwell Smart: Hi Hoo, how are ya?
- Harry Hoo: Eh, not too happy, Mr. Smart.
- # 99: What's wrong?
- Harry Hoo: Well to be too happy is to invite trouble from Hawaiian god Kina-Hora.
- Maxwell Smart: How come all your suits are exactly the same?
- Harry Hoo: Oh, beg to differ. All have different styles!
- Maxwell Smart: Oh. Well I guess all Chinese suits look alike to me.
- Harry Hoo: Sorry, but humble detective think you are lying.
- Von Werner: And I think you are a fool.
- Maxwell Smart: Now wait a minute, you can't talk that way to the world's greatest detective!
- Harry Hoo: Eh, eh, control yourself, Mr. Smart. As Confucius say: stick and stones may break my bone but name will never hurt me.
- Maxwell Smart: Confucius said that?
- Maxwell Smart: As a child. And now, Von Werner, what are your hobbies?
- Von Werner: Water polo, classical music und torture.
- # 99: [Max and 99 are preparing a raft] Max, there's a storm brewing. It's gonna be very dangerous to try to row to the mainland.
- Maxwell Smart: I suppose so, but someones gotta get to the mainland and tell 'em that whe're stranded out here with a crazy maniacal KAOS killer.
- # 99: I guess you're right. Goodbye, Max.
- Maxwell Smart: Goodbye 99, and good luck.
- [hands her the ore]
- Maxwell Smart: [Gazzman, barely breathing, whisper something in Harry Hoo's ear] What is he saying?
- Harry Hoo: He says your knee is on his chest.
- Maxwell Smart: Sorry about that.
- Maxwell Smart: Of course. A pinch of casteroid potassium, a deadly poison.
- Harry Hoo: I do not understand why Von Werner did not notice casteroid potassium in tea?
- Maxwell Smart: How could he? It tastes like any one of a thousand other poisons.
- Harry Hoo: [pause] Amazing...