Patricia Richardson credited as playing...
Jill Taylor
- Jill Taylor: [discussing Jill's upcoming job interview] Tim, do you ever listen to me? It was the last thing that I said in bed to you last night.
- Tim Taylor: No; I believe, if you recall, the last thing you said to me in bed last night was "NO!"
- Jill Taylor: [smirking] You're thinking of tonight.
- Tim Taylor: [wanting to go to a tool sale at Sears] I'll be back in twenty minutes.
- Jill Taylor: Twenty minutes! Who are you kidding? You'll be down there drooling, fondling all the tools, your eyes bugging out. You don't even look at me like that.
- Tim Taylor: I would if you were two speeds and reversible.
- Tim Taylor: This is *my* house, that is *my* dishwasher, and I will rewire it if I want to.
- Jill Taylor: No! You will not rewire it and screw it up like you did the blender. End of discussion.
- [Jill walks out]
- Tim Taylor: What is your problem with the blender? It's the only blender on the block that can puree a brick!
- Jill Taylor: This is great! Now I've gotta take advice from a guy who prances around a TV studio, grunting like a baboon...
- Tim Taylor: What does that have to do with it?
- Jill Taylor: ...while Miss Binford Tool Girl flashes her big headlights.
- Tim Taylor: Lisa?
- Jill Taylor: [sarcastic] No - Al!
- Jill Taylor: Tim!
- [Jill gets Tim's tape measure out of a drawer]
- Jill Taylor: Walk out that door and this goes in the trash compactor.
- [Jill holds the tape measure over the compactor]
- Tim Taylor: No! That's my Binford Power Tape with posi-toggle lock.
- Jill Taylor: Kiss it goodbye!
- [Jill drops it in and shuts the compactor]
- Tim Taylor: Don't turn that thing on.
- Jill Taylor: Are you staying?
- Tim Taylor: Yes! God, you're mean to me.
- [Jill kisses him. Tim opens the trash compactor]
- Tim Taylor: Aww, there's food boogers all over it!
- Jill Taylor: Tim! This job is important to me. Aren't you excited about me going back to work?
- Tim Taylor: Yeah, sure.
- Jill Taylor: [imitating him] Yeah, sure. Could you maybe work up a little enthusiasm?
- Tim Taylor: I'm sorry, honey.
- [fake bravado]
- Tim Taylor: Gosh, I'm excited that you won't be laying around the house, mooching off the boys and me!
- [Jill slaps his right butt cheek]
- Tim Taylor: Oh! Do the other side.
- [Jill slaps his left butt cheek]
- Tim Taylor: Oh, I'm your love slave!