Dylan Moran credited as playing...
Ian Lyons
- Ian Lyons: [in the cemetary] Are you a burials man or more of a... cremations kind of guy?
- Astley Yardley: Apologise... or piss off.
- Ian Lyons: [reading a newspaper] ''Bus shelter too small and dark, claims pastor.'' Now that really gets the adrenaline going.
- Lisa Lyons: It's a bit of a relief after a year of headlines in the South London Gazette. ''Shopper murdered for not handing over sausages."
- Ian Lyons: You know how irritating it is when somebody won't hand over their sausages.
- Ian Lyons: I could start with the basic stuff, portraits, weddings. Then get into the coffee table market, the Reader's Digest Book Of Country Fire Stations, A Pictorial Guide To Little Sweetie Shops And The Horrible Men In Them, Moss: A Celebration. Then the dark social commentary stuff. Pictures of inbred villagers and all that.
- Lisa Lyons: I'll give them a call.
- Ian Lyons: Yeah.
- [holds up camera]
- Ian Lyons: What the hell is this?
- Lisa Lyons: Oh that takes groups.
- Ian Lyons: I thought you could just stand back.
- Lisa Lyons: Darling, are we sure this is such a good idea?
- Ian Lyons: Yeah, of course. Photography's like politics or cookery. Anybody can do it if they go about it with enough arse.
- Lisa Lyons: You've seen how I am with your parents. Just be like that with mine.
- Ian Lyons: The difference is, my parents are nice. They go on bird feeding expeditions and think Saddam Hussein has a nice smile.
- Helen Yardley: What was it like where you grew up Ian?
- Ian Lyons: Oh, well, you know what they say. In suburbia, no one can hear you scream.
- Warren Yardley: Why would you want to scream?
- Ian Lyons: No, it was a play on the phrase "no one can you scream", "In space, no one can hear you scream."
- Helen Yardley: Ten or eleven? Yeah.
- Warren Yardley: It's a vacuum, isn't it?
- Warren's Wife: But in space, nobody can hear you scream, can they, cos it's so vast? In suburbia the houses are close together. So the moment you started screaming, you'd be heard by, what, half a dozen people?
- Warren Yardley: Ten or eleven?
- Ian Lyons: I know... I said a foolish thing.