Clive Swift: Richard

Early Retirement

Richard

[first lines]
[Richard is shaving]
Hyacinth: Breakfast's on the table, Richard!
Richard: Early retirement.
Hyacinth: [singing] Dee la dah la dee. Wear your best suit, dear. It is your last day. I want you to look particularly smart. After all, it's not everyone who gets offered early retirement. La dee, la dee. Swagger a bit. Put a bit of swank on. I'm the last person to put myself forward, as you know, but I do think it won't hurt the neighbours to see who's lucky enough to get early retirement round here. La dee.

Hyacinth: Well, be more careful in future, Richard. Locking me out like that...
Richard: I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking.
Hyacinth: I will not have you "not thinking" in front of the neighbors, Richard!
Richard: I'm just a little confused, this morning.
Hyacinth: Well, it seems so, Dear!
Richard: But I'm all right, now.
Hyacinth: Are you sure?
Richard: Absolutely fine.
[Gets in the car and starts it, then just sits there, staring blankly off into space]
Hyacinth: [Waits, then when it's clear he's not going to move, goes and taps on the glass] Richard?
Richard: [opens the door] Hello, Dear! What kind of day did you have?
Hyacinth: [Pulls him out of the car] Richard, I think you ought to walk to work today.
Richard: Oh, yes. I will. I'll walk this morning.
[starts walking down the road in the wrong direction]
Hyacinth: Richard!
[Richard turns and walks the other way]

Richard's Boss: Well, there's no point dragging out these farewell scenes. Always best to get them over as quickly as possible, I always say.
[Gets up and shakes Richard's hand, leading him to the door at the same time]
Richard's Boss: Well, goodbye, Richard, old boy. Think of us, when you're out there enjoying your freedom. Goodbye!
[Goes back to his desk]
Richard's Boss: Now, where was I?
Richard: [comes back in] I could come in the odd afternoon.
Richard's Boss: No, no. No, no, no. Make a clean break. Best way, I always think.
Richard: Unless, of course, mornings would be better.
Richard's Boss: Inside a week, you'll have forgotten all about us. Cheerio!
Richard: I'll do anything. You won't have to keep me at my old grade!
Richard's Boss: No. Look, I'm sorry, Richard.
Richard: I mean, I don't think I'd be too proud to pop in for a potter, if you ever need a good potter...
Richard's Boss: Yes, thank you, Richard!
Richard: Mornings or afternoons. Mornings AND afternoons!
Richard's Boss: Good-BYE, Richard!