Vicki Lawrence credited as playing...
Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper
- Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper: Well, good Lord, woman, you must have two cups of buttermilk in here. Where the hell's the flour?
- Lolly Purdue: Don't you dare laugh at me! I was elected president, not pastry chef.
- Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper: Oh, get down off your high horse, Lolly. Any fool can follow a recipe.
- Lolly Purdue: [sheepishly] Not this fool. I can't read.
- Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper: What do you mean you can't read? Something wrong with your eyes?
- Lolly Purdue: My eyes are fine, I just can't read, Thelma, I never learned how.
- Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper: Well why not? Didn't you learn in school?
- Lolly Purdue: I was the oldest of 12 kids in my family, and I got pulled out of school because Mom needed help with the babies, and... shoot, by the times the babies were raised, I was married and had a couple of my own.
- Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper: Yeah, when you got two little ones in diapers, there's not much time for anything else.
- Lolly Purdue: And when they got in school, I was ashamed to tell them their mama couldn't read.
- Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper: What about your husband?
- Lolly Purdue: Harley doesn't know either.
- Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper: I guess he must've never asked you to make him scones.
- Lolly Purdue: I've had years of practice at faking it. Harley does all the paperwork. I convinced him he had such a good head for business. Men will believe anything. And I'm forever pretending I forgot my glasses or misplaced directions, or saying I don't understand, so folks won't catch on.
- Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper: Well, boy, you sure had me fooled. I thought you were just going senile.
- Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper: [reading the note from Lolly's grandson] "Dear Meemaw, Fort Worth is okay. I start second grade. We have ants in the sink. Say hi to Boompa. Hugs and kisses, Bobby. P.S., please write back."
- Lolly Purdue: I'll have Boompa write a note to him in the morning.
- Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper: Well, now, the hell you will. He doesn't want a note from Boompa, he wants to hear from Meemaw.
- Lolly Purdue: But I can't!
- Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper: Listen, if you're smart enough to fake it for all these years, you're smart enough to learn to read and write.
- Lolly Purdue: You really think so?
- Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper: Sure! Where's that magazine? I had it sitting here. "Ladies Circle", it's got Barbara Bush on the cover. Here it is, don't you just love her hair?
- Lolly Purdue: Oh my, yes. I'm going to keep mine natural when it goes gray.
- Thelma 'Mama' Crowley Harper: Yeah, me too. Well, anyway, she's got a whole article in here where she talks about how you can teach grownups to read and write. Here it is, here it is, here it is. It's called Operation Literacy, see, and she explains all how you can set up a program in your school or your church. Why don't you just take this on home, you can read... never mind, I'll tell you all about it.