Ed O'Neill credited as playing...
Al Bundy
- Vicky: Excuse me, sir. Are you straight?
- Al Bundy: The hairs on my chest are.
- Vicky: Good, maybe you can help me. If you were my boyfriend, would you like this?
- [opens curtains to show Al her lingerie. Al is speechless]
- Vicky: Will he like it?
- [Al nods]
- Vicky: Or do you think he'd like it better without the bra? Like this...
- [takes off bra. Al faints]
- Vicky: Yep, without the bra.
- Al: [watches the hot store clerk walk away] Yeah, let's see the Japanese build a better one of those!
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: What if men had breasts?
- Al Bundy: Then we wouldn't need women anymore!
- Peggy Bundy: And if you had what other men had, I wouldn't need batteries anymore!
- Al Bundy: *That's* what happened to my Diehard!
- Al Bundy: I'd like a bra for my wife, who's a woman. Sort of.
- Muffy: Well, what's her cup size? Is she my size?
- [Al stares at Muffy's bust, blankly]
- Muffy: Sir?
- Al Bundy: Oh, I'm sorry. I was sweating in my eye. My wife... her cup size is like...
- [Al walks over to another female customer with a large bust and puts his hands up to both her breasts]
- Al Bundy: She's just like this. Do you agree with me, Steve?
- Steve Rhoades: [embarrassed] I'm not speaking to you, Al.
- Al Bundy: Hey, Pops! How they hangin'?
- Pops: Not too bad, son. Not too bad. I see you ordered the Fancy Figure 327. Solid bra. A bra with its feet on the ground. A real man's bra.
- [both Al and Pops, the owner, look over at a gay man trying on cosmetics and trying on a beauty contestant crown]
- Al Bundy: Ah, will you look at that? And they wonder why we call them 'queens'.
- Pops: Yeah. There ought to be a law!
- Muffy: [off-screen] Pops! Phone! It's your wife!
- Pops: [to Al] My wife: nag, nag, nag! Sheetz!
- [Al laughs as Pops walks around the desk toward the back of the store, revealing that he's not wearing slacks, but women's stockings and garter belts! Al jumps, looking hilariously shocked and disgusted]
- [last lines]
- Al Bundy: [voice-over after Al and Peg go upstairs to 'do it'] Peg, who's the cop with his pants on backwards?
- [Al and Steve see beautiful women in the lingerie store]
- Al: I *knew* women looked like that! I knew it! I knew it!
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: I don't know why we even need bras!
- Al Bundy: Oh, I think it's to keep your breasts off the plate when you eat.