Ed O'Neill credited as playing...
- [Amber walks out the front door and passes Al, who's coming in]
- Al: Cute girl. What happened? Wrong house?
- Bud: Dad, that was Mrs. Darcy's niece. That was Amber.
- Al: Marcy's niece? Must be from the unfeathered side of the family.
- Bud: I know what I did was wrong and I should be punished.
- Al: Yes, you should. But how?
- Kelly: I say we put him in a sack and drop him off the Sears Tower.
- Al: Where the hell am I going to get a sack?
- Bud: [after Amber slips upstairs and gives Bud a seductive look] Dad, whatever you do, just don't send me to my room. Especially for a whole week. That would kill me.
- Al: [after short pause] You go to your room! For one week!
- Bud: You're a cruel, but fair, man.
- [runs upstairs]
- Al: Looking on the bright side, Amber's living right next door, so sooner or later, you'll probably get to see her naked. But whatever you do, don't look at Marcy. I did one time and was clinically dead for an hour and a half.
- Bud: I'm sorry about that, Dad. I just haven't slept much 'cause I'm studying for a scholarship. The test is tomorrow and if I ace it, I'll get to study at Oxford. You have heard of Oxford?
- Al: Heard of it? Hell, I've been selling them for years!
- Marcy D'Arcy: Guess what! We're going to have a new addition to our family!
- Al: Well, shouldn't you be sitting on it, waiting for it to hatch?
- Al: Whoops! Cheerleader routine up!
- Bud: I'm trying to study, so can you try to keep it down?
- Al: Gotcha!
- [to TV screen:]
- Al: Cut to the left! Cut to the left! No! Go for the end zone!
- Bud: I thought you were watching cheerleaders.
- Al: I am! Damn cameraman's shooting their faces.
