Ed O'Neill credited as playing...
- Al: Now, we're not getting a computer! Computers are ruining the country! Computers and women!
- Peggy: Yes, and they're quite similar, Al, because you don't know how to turn on either one!
- Al: I'm not interested in either one!
- Al: Much like a family, what would a computer do for me?
- Marcy: It could do all sorts of things! Like keeping up with sports scores!
- Al: Newspaper.
- Steve: Social events!
- Al: TV Guide.
- Marcy: Organizing recipes!
- Al: [Placing arm around Peg] Don't eat.
- Steve: Doctor's appointments!
- Al: Don't care!
- Al: [sitting on the couch, petting Buck] You know, I just realized that we got someone in this house that eats, lies around all day and does absolutely nothing.
- Peggy: Aw, Buck is cute!
- Al: I was talking about you, Peg.
- Steve: Al, did you know that your dog is burying himself in your backyard?
- Al: Well, I hope it's not the spot by the hose, because that little plot's for me.
- Kelly Bundy: Call *who* Ishmael?
- Al: Ah, me! Look, Kelly. We have a million dollar computer sitting over here. Why don't you do your report on *it*?
- Kelly Bundy: I tried! I turned it on and I typed in "Ishmale". You know what it said to me, Dad? Ishmael. It even spelled it wrong!
- Al: This computer cost me a fortune! Now, I don't plan to watch our money go down the drain like I did with the stove and the refrigerator and our marriage certificate. Now, as I slowly sink into bankruptcy, I want to have a memory. So, I want you to do something, *anything*, with that computer!
- Peggy: [the scene flips. The computer now sits on a desk of its own and is accompanied by a printer, a modem and a phone] There! You happy, Al?
- Al: [sarcastically] Yeah. Couldn't be happier.
- Peggy: I didn't marry a happy man.
- Al: No, you *did*, Peg. You just turned him into me!
- Steve: Welcome to 'Tomorrowland', Al. Where do you want it?
- Al: How about over here, in 'It's a Broke World After All'?
- Computer: Al?... Al?
- Al: Leave me alone!
- Computer: Okay, I'll just sit here and run your electricity bill through the roof.
- Al Bundy: [Buck is bringing Al's slippers down the stairs] Finally! Someone who knows who the *real* master of this house is!
- [Buck walks past Al and gives the slippers to the computer]
- Kelly Bundy: Dad, I've got this book report due in, um... Oh, God, what do you call it? The subject with the words?
- Al Bundy: English?
- Kelly Bundy: Yeah!
