John Nettles credited as playing...
DCI Tom Barnaby
- DCI Tom Barnaby: [they have just turned uphill at a T-junction] Stop, Troy, stop. We go down the hill, Troy.
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: I thought we were going to Upper Warden.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Yeah, we are.
- [points to signpost]
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Upper Warden is down the hill; Lower Warden is up the hill
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: That doesn't make any sense.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Troy, this is Midsomer.
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: Sorry. I forgot.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: I have to ask the obvious question. Did your brother Frank have any enemies?
- Rupert Smythe-Webster: Apparently. Otherwise he'd still be alive.
- Murdoch: Is it true a local man is helping with your enquiries?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Well, if he is it'll be a first.
- [last lines]
- DCI Tom Barnaby: This your bookmark?
- Joyce Barnaby: Probably.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Oh, no, it's not. Danny's meatball recipe.
- Joyce Barnaby: [sighs] He seemed a nice boy.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Oh yeah, everybody liked him.
- Frank Webster: [referring to his family traditions] ... the youngest goes off to the Crusades, but I decided to join the Godless infidels and became a movie producer.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: You produced "The House of Satan."
- Frank Webster: The highest grossing U.K.-financed movie of the last decade.
- Simon Smythe-Webster: Gross is an appropriate word.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: I've been bullied by the media into holding a press conference. Would you mind taking part please?
- Frank Webster: My pleasure. All publicity is good publicity.
- Frank Webster: What did you expect?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Well, I probably expected a little more grief from the bereaved, with the possible exception of his mother.
- Frank Webster: You could put it down to the stiff upper lip of the English ruling class. But more likely, it's the fact that nobody liked him.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Elsie Pinchel. Is that Danny's mother?
- Sarah Proudie: Mm. She died a couple of weeks ago. A legendary midwife of this parish and a formidable gossip. She'd have answered all your questions whether she knew the answers or not.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: I thought the point of women's emancipation is you didn't have to do the men's dirty washing.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: [as they are walking] I'm told that you and Sarah Proudie from Upper Warden were once, if you'll pardon the expression, an item.
- Rupert Smythe-Webster: [he stops in his tracks] My God! You have been dredging, haven't you?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Well, there seems an awful lot to dredge in these parts.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Is the spray can mightier than the sword?
- Sarah Proudie: Well,it doesn't kill people.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: And you're familiar with the Book of Leviticus?
- Sarah Proudie: I didn't reject the Bible without reading it first. What sort of woman do you think I am?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: It looks very different from the book of the film.
- Sarah Proudie: Well, that's because the original is an old-fashioned socialist novel. He calls it "The House of Satan" because he saw the Smythe-Websters as totally corrupt from top to bottom. They took our book and turned it into a cut-price horror movie.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: So you're not one of the world's greatest admirers of the Smythe-Websters, Sarah?
- Sarah Proudie: Everything we have of value they steal. We deal in truth and they deal in power.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: If you hate these people so much...
- Sarah Proudie: Would I consider murdering them?
- [chuckles]
- Sarah Proudie: No. I'm a card carrying peacenik. Check with MI5, ask them about Sarah Proudie. They'll tell you.