Tony Shalhoub credited as playing...
Adrian Monk
- Sharona Fleming: Do you even know how to drive?
- Adrian Monk: Yes, I know how to drive.
- Sharona Fleming: I've never seen you.
- Adrian Monk: Well, there's about 15 things that I can do that you've never seen me do.
- Sharona Fleming: Like what?
- Adrian Monk: Drive. I can drive.
- Sharona Fleming: So you remember how many empty boxes you saw?
- Adrian Monk: It's a blessing, and a curse.
- Sharona Fleming: Are you all right?
- Adrian Monk: I just want to be alone.
- Sharona Fleming: Okay, I'll come with you.
- Sharona Fleming: Are you sure you're not getting your hopes up?
- Adrian Monk: That's what hopes are for.
- Sharona Fleming: [Monk and Sharona are at a carnival] Are you having fun?
- Adrian Monk: I think so. My head's stopped throbbing. Too many clowns.
- [Adrian is trying to convince Sharona to let him drive]
- Sharona Fleming: Do you even have a license?
- Adrian Monk: Of course I have a license.
- Sharona Fleming: Is it valid?
- Lt. Adam Kirk: [looks out his window at the gathered reporters] Look at them out there. Trying to get a picture of a killer cop.
- [angrily closes the blinds]
- Lt. Adam Kirk: Too bad I can't charge them rent. Did you talk to them?
- Adrian Monk: I just told them I was a friend.
- Lt. Adam Kirk: Thanks for lying. You know. I don't hold what you did against...
- Adrian Monk: Why would you? I told the truth.
- Lt. Adam Kirk: From your point of view.
- Adrian Monk: I was there, Lieutenant. I saw what you did.
- Lt. Adam Kirk: It was resisting arrest.
- Adrian Monk: I was there.
- Lt. Adam Kirk: Well, that makes your being here now mean even more. You know what really kills me about this is, uh, I'm supposed to testify against Stokes next week. Best thing I ever did was getting that butcher off the street and now he's gonna walk.
- Sharona Fleming: Why would he walk?
- Lt. Adam Kirk: He claims that I beat a confession out of him. This makes his case.
- [Monk peels some paper towels]
- Lt. Adam Kirk: What are you doing?
- Sharona Fleming: If you don't mind, it helps him think.
- Lt. Adam Kirk: Oh, knock yourself out.
- Adrian Monk: Wanna tell me what happened on the Ferris wheel?
- Lt. Adam Kirk: Yeah, that was stupid. I get a call from this punk, Gitomer.
- Adrian Monk: You knew him?
- Lt. Adam Kirk: No, I never met him. I checked him out. He's got some punk stuff-possessions, stolen vehicle. So, he wants to meet at the carnival-busy place, a lot of people.
- Adrian Monk: Meet about what?
- Lt. Adam Kirk: He's got something on a shipment of purple haze. So, we meet. He starts hemming and hawing and then he says that he'll talk, but only up on the Ferris wheel.
- Adrian Monk: The Ferris wheel's his idea?
- Lt. Adam Kirk: Oh, yeah. His idea. So, we get on. I don't get out word one, he goes postal.
- Adrian Monk: You didn't do anything?
- Lt. Adam Kirk: [lifts his hand] Hand to God. He starts throwing himself around. He's screaming. "Help! Help! He's gonna kill me!" So, the operator shuts down the rig. I get off. I walk 10 feet, I hear screaming, I turn around and there's Gitomer on the deck, with a knife in his chest.
- Adrian Monk: Whose knife was it?
- Lt. Adam Kirk: Not a clue.
- [Monk and Stottlemeyer look at unclaimed photos from the day of the murder]
- Photographer: Here you go. Unclaimed from the day you were asking about. This is everything.
- Sharona Fleming: Adrian, I promised Benjy I'd take him on the bumper cars, so we'll meet you later, okay? Just stay close to the Captain, and if you get lost, find a policeman. Promise?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Bingo.
- [He pulls out the photo of Gitomer]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Look at the sweatshirt.
- Adrian Monk: I was thinking the same thing.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Zipped all the way up.
- Adrian Monk: But it must've been 95 degrees that night.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah.
- [They head towards the ferris wheel]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: So, they meet over there, walk through here, get on the ride, go round and round, it stops and the kid's dead.
- Adrian Monk: Did you question the other riders?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Oh, yeah, I grilled everybody in the park. I got a list of-
- [spots the I.A. cops]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Internal Affairs!
- [grabs a balloon from another kid]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Look, you just happen to be here, okay? It's your day off, understood?
- Adrian Monk: I am so hungry.
- Sharona Fleming: Well, get a hot dog.
- Adrian Monk: No, no thanks. No.
- Benjy Fleming: Mom, can I have two dollars?
- Sharona Fleming: Wait. What for?
- Benjy Fleming: It's a contest. There's a big jar of jellybeans, and if I guess how many are in the jar, I win a boom box.
- Adrian Monk: 8,385.
- Sharona Fleming: What?
- Adrian Monk: That's how many jellybeans are in the jar - 8,385.
- Benjy Fleming: 8,385. 8,385.
- Sharona Fleming: Have you seen the jar?
- [Monk shakes his head]
- Sharona Fleming: How can you guess if you haven't seen the jar?
- Adrian Monk: Benjy. 8,385.
- Landlord: It's a tarot card.
- Adrian Monk: Look, Mr. Crenshaw, does it mean anything to you?
- Landlord: Yeah, it means you're wasting my time.
- Adrian Monk: Mr. Gitomer used tarot cards?
- Landlord: I don't see what anybody does. I'm only the landlord. The peepholes on the door face the wrong way. That's what I always say.
- Adrian Monk: How long did he live here?
- Landlord: Oh, nine weeks, but he paid for 10. So, I guess someone has a refund coming.
- [Monk looks up at the ceiling]
- Adrian Monk: What's this?
- Landlord: Mister, you wouldn't believe what I've seen hanging from those fans.
- Sharona Fleming: Adrian.
- [She pulls out a gym sock from one of Gitomer's drawers]
- Sharona Fleming: This is weird. He keeps his batteries in his socks?
- Adrian Monk: Oh my God.
- Sharona Fleming: What is it?
- Adrian Monk: It's a weapon. They use them in prison. It's torn here.
- [he pulls down a hook from the ceiling fan]
- Adrian Monk: Could you?
- Sharona Fleming: Hook it?
- [She does so]
- Adrian Monk: Stand back.
- [He turns on the fan, and the sock swings around the room with a wide circle]
- Landlord: What the hell is that?
- Adrian Monk: I think he hit himself with it.
- Landlord: All he had to do was ask. I would've been happy to beat the crap outta the kid. I knew he was trouble. Never paid the phone bill, but always had money to go dancing.
- Sharona Fleming: He went dancing?
- Landlord: Yeah, every night. That club over in the park there-the Luna Lounge.
- Adrian Monk: Excuse me, Leonard Stokes? Can I talk to you?
- Leonard Stokes: It's a free country. At least it will be in about 10 minutes.
- Adrian Monk: My name is Adrian Monk, I'm investigating the death of John Gitomer. Did you know him?
- Leonard Stokes: No.
- [Monk pulls out a bag with Gitomer's cell phone]
- Adrian Monk: This is his cell phone. We found it in his knapsack. Mr. Gitomer received two calls from this facility from the phone bank in your wing on the day he was killed.
- Leonard Stokes: So what?
- Adrian Monk: You were calling him. I checked the records. They log in every outgoing call.
- [Stokes signs a paper for his belongings]
- Adrian Monk: That's a nice watch.
- Leonard Stokes: Yeah, Gitomer, I remember. He was here. I knew his name. That's all.
- Adrian Monk: Why were you calling him?
- Leonard Stokes: I don't recall. What difference does it make?
- Adrian Monk: It's just interesting, you two knew each other and his murder is the basis for your appeal.
- [Stokes handles an orange pin]
- Adrian Monk: What's that?
- Leonard Stokes: It's from my Straight and Sober group. Three year pin.
- Adrian Monk: Very nice. Congratulations.
- Leonard Stokes: Look, I know where this is going. You're working to clear your pal Lieutenant Kirk.
- Adrian Monk: No, no, no. I'm not on the force.
- Leonard Stokes: Oh, come on. Sure you are. I can smell it.
- Adrian Monk: Just looking for the truth.
- Leonard Stokes: Lieutenant Kirk is a killer cop. That's the truth. Just not the truth you want.
- Adrian Monk: You could be right. Is there some place I could reach you?
- Leonard Stokes: No. See you around.
- [Stokes leaves]
- Sharona Fleming: Gee, he's a charmer.
- Adrian Monk: And now, you didn't touch this guy?
- Lt. Adam Kirk: No, I didn't touch him.
- Adrian Monk: Maybe he shoved you, you shoved him back.
- Lt. Adam Kirk: No, I didn't touch the guy.
- Adrian Monk: Things get of hand! It happens.
- Lt. Adam Kirk: NO IT DOESN'T HAPPEN! Not to me. Not anymore.
- Adrian Monk: How's Anita?
- Lt. Adam Kirk: Oh, she's good. Thanks for asking.
- Adrian Monk: Where is she?
- Lt. Adam Kirk: You just missed her. She's just out shopping. She should be back, oh, any minute now.
- Adrian Monk: Listen, friend, if I'm gonna help you out, you-you can't lie to me.
- Lt. Adam Kirk: What?
- Adrian Monk: You two had a fight. She moved out.
- Lt. Adam Kirk: Now, who told you that?
- [Monk looks at Adam's gardening books]
- Adrian Monk: The woman is obviously into gardening. But every plant in the place is dying.
- Lt. Adam Kirk: Well, she always comes back.
- Adrian Monk: I'm done here.
- Sharona Fleming: You'll gonna make somebody a wonderful wife.
- Adrian Monk: I can't make any promises.
- Lt. Adam Kirk: Understood.