Graham Harley: Tony Landis

Mr. Monk Takes a Vacation

Tony Landis

Adrian Monk: [Monk has found an Employees Only door] Who has the key to this door?
Tony Landis: The entire staff. About 180 people.
Rita Bronwyn: Are you thinking inside job?
Adrian Monk: Maybe it's that comedian. Wouldn't that be great?
[spots powder on the floor]
Adrian Monk: Do you have a piece of paper?
Tony Landis: No.
Adrian Monk: Isn't that a notepad in your pocket?
[Tony reluctantly hands his notepad over to Monk. Monk picks up a bit of the powder and sniffs it]
Rita Bronwyn: It's lime?
Adrian Monk: It's calcium oxide-quicklime.
Tony Landis: What's that supposed to mean?
Adrian Monk: It's used to cover up smells. Smugglers use it to fool drug-sniffing dogs.
Rita Bronwyn: Oh! I've seen the mob use it when they try to hide a body.
Adrian Monk: You've seen the mob use it?
Rita Bronwyn: I mean, in that movie Goodfellas I saw it.
Adrian Monk: Actually, this is good news.
Tony Landis: How so?
Rita Bronwyn: Because it means the body's still in the hotel, right? So that means we have to keep checking every bag going out.
Tony Landis: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You're time is up. We had a deal.
Rita Bronwyn: Oh, come on. The deal is off, Tony! Work with us here. If they get rid of the body, we have no case.
Tony Landis: I'll give you until noon tomorrow. You'll be checking out then anyway. Tick! Tick! Tick!
[leaves]
Adrian Monk: God, I hate it when people go, "Tick, tick, tick."

Rita Bronwyn: [porters are searching peoples' bags] Oh, nothing. Doors are open. People can come and go as they please.
Tony Landis: Well, how magnanimous of you.
Rita Bronwyn: But we still have to search the bags.
Tony Landis: Why?
Adrian Monk: He's going to try and dispose of the body.
Tony Landis: What body?
Adrian Monk: Mrs. Fenimore.
Tony Landis: And your theory is based on what?
Adrian Monk: Benjy witnessed a murder. And I saw Mr. Fenimore flirting with another woman.
Tony Landis: [scoffs] Most likely his assistant. Her name is Nicole Young. She comes with Mr. Fenimore and his staff here every year.
Rita Bronwyn: Look, the point is Mrs. Fenimore is M.I.A. Tony, remember the last Christmas, that jewelry was stolen? You didn't listen to me. I believe you were reprimanded for that.
Tony Landis: Fine! All right. You have one hour. After that, the siege is over, and we're back to normal.
Rita Bronwyn: [on her cell phone] Yeah.
Tony Landis: ...Or what passes for normal around here. Are you happy now?
Adrian Monk: I'm never happy. Listen, I might have to stay an extra day or two until we get this sorted out.
Tony Landis: Oh, impossible. Quite out of the question. We're overbooked as it is.

[the hotel has been locked down]
Tony Landis: Miss Bronwynn, this is not a penitentiary. You have to let these people come and go.
Rita Bronwyn: I'm gonna let them go, Tony, as soon as we check out Room 401.
Tony Landis: Do you know who is in Room 401? John Fenimore. The C.O.O. of the third largest brokerage house on the West Coast. He brings his staff here every year for a conference. How do we know the boy just didn't make it up?
Adrian Monk: Oh, no. He's-he's a good boy. He doesn't lie.
Tony Landis: All children lie.
Adrian Monk: Not him. Not to me.
Tony Landis: Well, of course, you would say that. You're his father.
Adrian Monk: I'm not his father. His mother works for me.
Rita Bronwyn: Tony Landis, this is Adrian Monk. Adrian is a former homicide detective. I just talked to his Captain in Frisco. He says we're lucky to have him.
Tony Landis: Miss Bronwyn, these people are on vacation.
Rita Bronwyn: Okay, Tony. Tell you what. Why don't you let 'em out and then you can tell the victim's family and the police why you let the murderer go?
Tony Landis: Fine. Check it out. As discreetly and quickly and discreetly as possible.
Adrian Monk: You-you said discreetly twice.
[starts to fix Tony's collar]
Tony Landis: Exactly. In fact, I'll say it again. Discreetly.