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Ed Marinaro and Deborah Zoe in Monk (2002)

Tony Shalhoub: Adrian Monk

Mr. Monk and the 12th Man

Monk

Tony Shalhoub credited as playing...

Adrian Monk

Photos2

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View Poster

Quotes5

  • Ian Agnew: Thank you for seeing us.
  • Ian Agnew: Oh, I don't mind. I don't get many visitors. So what can I do for you?
  • Adrian Monk: Mr. Agnew, we were wondering about your accident.
  • Ian Agnew: Please, sit down.
  • [appears to have a rather sudden reaction, like he is thinking]
  • Sharona Fleming: [concerned] Ian, I used to be a nurse. Is there anything I can do?
  • Ian Agnew: No, thank you. Comes and goes. It's the pipe.
  • [points to it]
  • Ian Agnew: I have a piece of pipe in my head.
  • [pauses]
  • Ian Agnew: I don't get many visitors! Please sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!...
  • Adrian Monk: Sir, about your accident.
  • Ian Agnew: Ah, the accident. I really don't remember much about it. We were building a cabana near the pool for the Babcocks. And I was working on the roof and there was a tile loose. And the next thing I knew, I woke up and I was a human smokestack.
  • [laughs]
  • Ian Agnew: I'll get it!
  • [picks up the phone]
  • Ian Agnew: Hello! Hello! Must be the wrong number.
  • [to Monk and Sharona]
  • Ian Agnew: How's that coffee?
  • [then to the floor]
  • Ian Agnew: BAD DOG!
  • [then back to Monk and Sharona]
  • Ian Agnew: I haven't worked since.
  • Adrian Monk: Huh. How did you get the job?
  • Ian Agnew: Mrs. Babcock hired me. Although by the time I had started, she wasn't there anymore. They split up, she ran off, I never got the full story. I dealt mostly with her husband, Stew. I'll get it.
  • [He picks up the phone again, about to talk to an imaginary caller]
  • Ian Agnew: You know, I just changed my phone number, and it doesn't seem to help. I don't get many visitors!
  • Sharona Fleming: Did you go to the trial?
  • Ian Agnew: I testified.
  • Sharona Fleming: Did you spend any time with the jury?
  • Ian Agnew: No, ma'am. I wish I had. I wanted to thank them, they were very generous. I don't get many visitors!
  • [singing]
  • Ian Agnew: "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do!"
  • [then to a spot on the floor]
  • Ian Agnew: BAD DOG!
  • [then back to Monk and Sharona]
  • Ian Agnew: You know what I think I miss the most?
  • [points to the pipe]
  • Ian Agnew: Not having this pipe in my head. I have to take this.
  • [picks up the phone again]
  • Ian Agnew: Hello. Hello.
  • Sharona Fleming: [to Monk] I believe you're not the craziest man in the world.
  • Ian Agnew: [talking to the imaginary caller] How did you get this number?
  • Adrian Monk: We'll let ourselves out.
  • Ian Agnew: Tell me who this is RIGHT NOW!
  • [Monk and Sharona walk out]
  • Ian Agnew: Well I don't believe that for a minute!
  • Adrian Monk: [about the 11 victims] What do they have in common?
  • Capt. Stottlemeyer: Absolutely nothing.
  • Adrian Monk: Exactly. They have... nothing in common. Some are rich, some poor, different ages, races, occupations... Captain this is a very diverse group. They are... too diverse.
  • Sharona Fleming: "Too diverse"?
  • Adrian Monk: I'm talking statistics. You'd have to work hard, really hard, to find a group this different. Plus, look at this. The blue pins indicate where they lived, right?
  • Capt. Stottlemeyer: Yeah.
  • Adrian Monk: The murders took place all over the Bay Area, but the victims all lived in Marin County. What are the odds of *that*?
  • Capt. Stottlemeyer: Go on, go, go, go, go...
  • Adrian Monk: A diverse group... all registered to vote... you know where you find a group like that?
  • Capt. Stottlemeyer: Yes, yes! On a jury!
  • Disher: Yeah, yeah, yeah, hang on, hang on...
  • [checks his computer]
  • Disher: He's right. They all served together on the same jury six years ago.
  • Adrian Monk: A jury.
  • Capt. Stottlemeyer: On a jury.
  • [he kisses Monk on the cheek, then runs out to rally the task force]
  • Sharona Fleming: Oh my god! Adrian, do you know what Kenny just did? He took care of all my parking tickets.
  • Adrian Monk: He's like Superman.
  • [Monk and Sharona arrive at the toll plaza]
  • Adrian Monk: Handcuffed?
  • Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Handcuffed and tied to about 70 feet of rope.
  • Sharona Fleming: Oh my god!
  • Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: And then he was dragged, west 7/10ths of a mile. I just saw the body, or what's left of it. The M.E. says he's never seen anything like it. There's no end to it.
  • Adrian Monk: What do you mean?
  • Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I mean this is #9. Nine bizarre murders in the past two weeks. Every time my beeper goes off, my heart skips a beat.
  • Adrian Monk: Any connection?
  • Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No, no connections at all. I mean, four have been men, five women. All different ages - Latino, white, black.
  • Adrian Monk: And the M.Os?
  • Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: All different. There's been a couple of shootings - all different weapons, a hit-and-run, a drowning, an electrocution. It-It's like a full moon every night.
  • Adrian Monk: And you're sure that the cases have absolutely nothing in common?
  • Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well they have one thing in common, Monk: we can't solve them. I swear, there's something in the water here.
  • Adrian Monk: [Monk is looking at lineup of murder suspects] Number 1, you have some lint on your jumpsuit.
  • [Number 1 searches for the lint]
  • Adrian Monk: Number 2, could you help number 1?

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