- Micky: We're coming to tune the piano, Charlie.
- Bernard Class: Three guys to tune one piano?
- Micky: Yeah, well he does the black keys, and he does the white keys and I do the cracks.
- [laughs]
- Davy: It's a very tough union.
- Micky: Please, no names. It will embarrass him and, naturally, would make an interesting anecdote to my book.
- Producer: Your book?
- Micky: My book, a new expose of Hollywood: "The False Values, The Phoniness, The Fakery"!
- Producer: Is is taking you long to write?
- Micky: I don't know. I'm having it ghostwritten.
- Bernard Class: Nestlerow, you gotta have some vision. How old are you?
- Mike: Twenty one.
- Bernard Class: When I was your age, I was twenty two.
- Bernard Class: Someday you'll be passing a theater marquee and then you'll see it in neon letters ten feet high, your name: Mike Nashmirth.
- Mike: Nesmith!
- Micky: This looks like a job for...
- [Davy sticks his fingers in his ears, Mickey covers his eyes and Peter covers his mouth. Then, with a pop, they have changed location and are wearing their Monkeemen suits]
- Davy, Micky and Peter: Monkeemen! Up, up and away!
- Mike: I came to tell ya, that how much I appreciate that you're doing my song in your new show.
- Joanie Janz: Well, I'm proud and just a little bit humbled to say I don't know what the devil you're talking about.
- Mike: Aw, sure you do, you know, it's kind of a bouncy tune... You're doing it in your new flick.
- Joanie Janz: A bouncy tune... in "The Wolfgirl Meets the Vampire in the Old West"?
- Bernard Class: How about: 'I'm gonna buy me a dog'
- Micky: [as M.D] That'll have to do. Who wrote it?
- Bernard Class: Some kid named Nishwash.
- Peter: Nesmith.
- Micky: [as M.D] Never heard of him. I like the title of that song. Class, get me that song.
- Bernard Class: Yes M.D., certainly M.D. May I call you M.?
- Micky: [as M.D] No! Get me Nishwash first.
- Bernard Class: You didn't come here to exchange pleasantries, Nesmouth.
- Mike: Nesmith.
- Bernard Class: What can High Class Music do for you?
- Mike: Well, eh, Mr. eh...?
- Bernard Class: Class.
- Mike: Oh, you're High Class?
- Bernard Class: No, no, no, I'm Bernie. My brother's the one who started the business.
- Mike: Oh, he's High Class.
- Bernard Class: No, his name is Irving.
- Mike: Irving? Well then how come it's called High Class Music Publishing Company?
- Bernard Class: Would you come to an Irving Class music Publishing Company?
- Mike: Joanie Janz? She's the hottest thing in showbusiness!
- Bernard Class: Joanie Janz in my opinion is the finest living or dead singer alive today.
- Mike: Ah, pardon me, Miss Janz?
- Joanie Janz: Oh! One of the little people. I'm proud and just a little bit humbled to be able to give you my autograph.
- Joanie Janz: [Uses a stamp to sign a picture] There, little person.