Rainn Wilson credited as playing...
Dwight Schrute
- Michael Scott: Dwight, what is your middle name?
- Dwight Schrute: Danger.
- Michael Scott: Something with a "K."
- Jim Halpert: It's Kurt. Wow, I am so sad that I know that.
- [Michael is still on the phone asking for someone to pick him up for work]
- Michael Scott: Pam, could you come get me?
- Pam Beesly: Uh, I have to stay here and answer the phone.
- Michael Scott: Ok, could someone come and get me please, Ryan?
- Phyllis: Michael, you should stay home and rest.
- Michael Scott: There's no toilet paper here. Could Ryan... tell Ryan to bring toilet paper. Could you tell him that?
- Kevin Malone: Can you hop?
- Michael Scott: I tried hopping, Kevin, and I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a "protruberance".
- [long beat]
- Michael Scott: Nobody wants to come and pick me up?
- [everyone stays silent as Dwight enters]
- Dwight Schrute: What is going on? What is going on?
- Pam Beesly: Michael, is, um, sick and he wants one of us to rescue him.
- Michael Scott: I'm not sick! I'm burned!
- Dwight Schrute: I'm coming Michael!
- Jim Halpert: Oh...
- Dwight Schrute: [shouting at the speakerphone] I'm gonna save you!
- Michael Scott: Don't... is that Dwight? I do not want Dwight.
- [Dwight's already halfway out of the office]
- Dwight Schrute: Hold on Michael! I am coming! Wait there!
- Michael Scott: I DON'T WANT DWIGHT.
- Pam Beesly: Michael, why don't you call your girlfriend?
- Michael Scott: [dryly] I don't have a girlfriend.
- Jim Halpert: But you said that you went out with her this weekend.
- Michael Scott: [still dryly] It was all made up. Just someone come, ok? Anyone. Anyone but Dwight.
- [all of a sudden, everyone hears a car crash coming from outside]
- Jim Halpert: What was that...
- Pam Beesly: What was that?
- [Everyone rushes to Michael's window to see that Dwight has collided with the front gate with his car]
- Jim Halpert: Oh!
- Pam Beesly: Ohhhhhh!
- Jim Halpert: He hit the pole! It's broken, right? He can't...
- [Dwight stumbles out of the car in a stupor]
- Pam Beesly: Oh, my gosh.
- Jim Halpert: Oh, Dwight, Dwight.
- [Dwight proceeds to puke all over his back windshield]
- Jim Halpert: Ohhhhhh!
- Jim Halpert, Pam Beesly: Oh my God!
- Pam Beesly: Is he okay?
- Jim Halpert: He's still driving...
- [Dwight gets back in his car and drives away]
- Jim Halpert: Dwight, you forgot your bumper!
- Michael Scott: [still on speakerphone] Hello?
- [beat]
- Michael Scott: Please don't send Dwight.
- Dwight Schrute: [making gun noises]
- Jim Halpert: What are you doing?
- Dwight Schrute: Vietnam sounds...
- Jim Halpert: Stop, stop. Stop.
- Dwight Schrute: Dwight Schrute
- [looking upwards and over his shoulder at Creed]
- Dwight Schrute: : "Dad?"