Bronson Pinchot credited as playing...
Balki Bartokomous
- Balki Bartokomous: [crying] I am never... going to fall in love again.
- Larry Appleton: Sure you will...
- Balki Bartokomous: No I won't! I don't want to, it hurts too much!
- Larry Appleton: Hey, hey... I know it hurts... but Carol was just not the right girl for you, she wasn't good enough for you. And somewhere out there is, uh... is somebody who's right for you... somebody who's worthy to wear your nana's brooch. And you'll fall in love with her and she'll fall in love with you and... and you'll forget about all the Carols in this world.
- Balki Bartokomous: Cousin, I want you to like her better because tonight the last class and after we hand in our term paper I'm going to pop the question.
- Larry Appleton: What? Balki, you're going to ask her to marry you?
- Balki Bartokomous: Well, of course not, don't be ridiculous," Balki says, "I'm going to 'pop the question
- Larry Appleton: That's what 'pop the question' means.
- Balki Bartokomous: Oh, then I'm not gonna do that!
- Larry Appleton: Carol is using you to do her work and when the class is over she won't remember your name.
- Balki Bartokomous: Wait a minute. Are you saying that Carol is using me to do her work and that when the class is over she won't remember my name?
- Larry Appleton: Yes
- Larry Appleton: Balki, when a woman says she's too busy, it's her way of putting you off. And when she says she's getting a new phone, she has no intention of giving you the number. And Jack's place is not the name of a building. It's Jack's... place.
- Balki Bartokomous: But Cousin, she don't say any of those things.
- Larry Appleton: Not in those words, but that's what she meant.
- Balki Bartokomous: Why are you doing this again? Why can't you just be happy for me? What you are saying is no true!
- Larry Appleton: Balki, if you don't believe me, then just call her yourself.
- Balki Bartokomous: Jack is, is... is not her brother. I made a fool of myself. You tried to warn me, and I wouldn't listen.
- Larry Appleton: Hey, you fell in love, there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes when you're in love you... you can't think straight. Take my word for it, the pain will go away.
- Balki Bartokomous: When?
- Larry Appleton: Well, not for a long, long time. But it will go away.