Chris Barrie credited as playing...
- Rimmer: Kryten, kindly get to the point before I jam your nose between your cheeks and make it the filling of a buttock sandwich.
- The Cat: There's an old cat saying: "If you're gonna eat tuna, expect bones."
- Rimmer: There's an old human saying: "If you're gonna talk garbage, expect pain."
- Rimmer: In which case we can remove him from duty as per Space Corps Directive 196156.
- Kryten: 196156? Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bicycle in the women's gym will be discharged without trial? Hmm. I'm sorry, sir, that doesn't quite get to the nub of the matter for me.
- [Kryten has given Rimmer a set of Chinese worry balls to help him cope with his stress-related nerve disorder]
- Kryten: Please, sir, don't panic.
- Rimmer: It's not panic, it's a full blown hysterical fit.
- Kryten: Grind those balls, sir. Grind them!
- Rimmer: So let me get this straight. If we board that ship and we get captured, we're finished. However, if we board that ship, don't get captured but the superstructure disintegrates around us, we are finished. On the other hand, if we board that ship, don't get captured, and the superstructure doesn't disintegrate around us, but we can't find any fuel, we are in fact finished.
- Kryten: Rogue Simulants always carry large stocks of food supply in order to prolong the torment of their torture victims. In some cases, they've kept subjects alive for 40 years in a state of perpetual agony.
- Rimmer: If we wanted to live in a state of perpetual agony, we'd let Lister play his guitar.
- Rimmer: Enough of this heresy. At the stroke of dawn take them out and kill them. And when you've killed them burn the bodies, then bring me the cold ashes on a silver plate with a glass of chilled sancerre.
- The Cat: This guy's an animal. Doesn't he know it's red wine with cold ashes.
- Rimmer: How do you plead?
- Kryten: Sir. We wish to speak to the hologram known as Rimmer.
- Rimmer: I - AM - HE!
- Rimmer: Dear lord, what has created such foulness? Is it the product of a marriage twixt woman and gerbil?
- Rimmer: I'm a competitive man, Kryten. Always have been. That's what makes me what I am.
- Kryten: We're all perfectly well aware of what you are, sir.
- Lister: [Lister, Kryten and the Cat are surrounded by a group of bad Rimmers in "Rimmerworld"] This might sound like a bit of a corny line, but... I can't bring myself round to say it.
- Rimmer: Say what?
- Lister: Take us to your leader.
- Kryten: Sir, how could you?
- Kryten: [Kryten talks to Rimmer about how long it's going to take the Starbug crew to rescue him from the planet on the other side of the wormhole] Remember that medieval war, sir, that lasted a long time?
- Rimmer: The 30 years war?
- Kryten: No, that war, sir. The other war.
- Rimmer: The 100 years war?
- Kryten: Now take that figure and multiply it by 6 and then you'll come up with your golden number, sir.
- Rimmer: 600 years!
- The Cat: Pinch me!
- Kryten: Sir, remember your condition. Whatever happens try and avoid stressful situations. Whatever befalls you try and greet it with a smile on your lips and a song in your heart.
- Rimmer: You are a total, total, complete and utter total... . total... .
- [his video feed loses contact]
- Clone Rimmer: [to Lister] Silence mutant! How dare you stand there and address a norm using that face? It's a revolting insult against nature.
- Rimmer: A desert planet - the only lifeforms: The most basic single-cell protozoa and me. Relationships will be difficult, but not impossible.
