Mario Lopez credited as playing...
A.C. Slater
- Kelly Kapowski: Hey, where's Screech? Shouldn't he have the tickets by now?
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Uh, well, uh, you see... Hey, let's go eat! Come on!
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Yeah!
- Kelly Kapowski: What happened, guys?
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: He was born. Need I say more?
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Look, I'm sorry, Kelly. He accidentally stepped outta line and lost his place.
- Kelly Kapowski: Well, you better call a priest.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Why?
- Kelly Kapowski: Because Lisa's gonna kill him and I'm gonna have bad thoughts.
- Lisa Turtle: [Finds a bag] Hey, whose bag is this?
- Kelly Kapowski: Not mine.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: It's not mine.
- Lisa Turtle: Whoa, mama!
- Kelly Kapowski, Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater, Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Whoa, mama!
- Kelly Kapowski: Is that real money?
- Lisa Turtle: [smells the money] Smells like it.
- [holds it to her ear and ruffles it]
- Lisa Turtle: Sounds like five thousand, give or take a twenty.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Oh, yes! Yes! This is going to be a good day after all.
- Kelly Kapowski: Wait a second. I mean, this isn't our money. I mean, some poor person lost it and we have to return it.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Oh, get real, Kelly, what poor person has five thousand dollars?
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Well, if they weren't poor before, they're poor now.
- Kelly Kapowski: We can't keep this. It's somebody else's money.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: All right, all right, let's be fair. I mean, if it is someone's money, we should give them time to reclaim it. Agreed?
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: All right.
- Lisa Turtle: Yeah.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Okay, good, good. Then I hereby invoke the five foot, five second rule.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: The what?
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: If no-one is within five feet of this money when I count to five, it's ours. Huh? One, two, three, four...
- Kelly Kapowski: Cut it out, Zack. We have to ask around and see if anybody lost five thousand dollars.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Okay, okay.
- [whispering]
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Has anybody lost five thousand dollars?
- Lisa Turtle: Look, I don't know what you two are arguing about. This is my money. I'm the one who found the bag.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Wha... your money? You never would've found the bag if Zack and I didn't slide over so you could sit down.
- Lisa Turtle: Okay, I'll split it with you.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Alri-i-i-i-i-ight!
- Kelly Kapowski: Split it with them? There wouldn't be a bag to find if I didn't sit at this bench. You'd still be rattling on about Eddie and his Air Jordans!
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [Trying to get elderly woman to let Screech go ahead of her in line] Excuse me, ma'am? Hi! I wonder if you'd let my friend go ahead of you. He missed last year's concert.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Yes, and you see, he was so depressed that he locked himself in the basement for a year.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Uh huh, and today is his first day out.
- Old Woman: No way, blondie. I never miss a U2 concert!
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Well, uh, would fifty dollars help you change your mind?
- [Takes a bill out of the bag]
- Kelly Kapowski: What are you doing? That's our ticket money.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Hey, you're forgetting about our find.
- [Hands Slater two bills]
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Um, did he say fifty, beautiful? 'Cause I think he meant one hundred, little darlin'.
- Old Woman: One hundred smackers? Make it two and I'm outta here.
- [Zack hands Slater two more bills]
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Here you go.
- [Hands her the money and she leaves]
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Alright! One more customer and we're rich!
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Alright!
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [a "sold out" sign is placed in the ticket window] What?
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [the girls arrive at the movies, flustered] What's going on?
- Lisa Turtle: It's those weird guys, they were following us! We saw them at the boutique!
- Kelly Kapowski: They're obviously killers! I mean, we've stolen their money and now we're gonna die! I'll never get married, I'll never have a little white picket fence, I'll never get a letter from Ed McMahon again!
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Oh, Kelly, shut up! They're not killers, they're just shoppers. This is a mall, you know.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Yeah. Look, this money's making us paranoid. I'm sure nothing weird is gonna happen while we're in here.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Relax.
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: [Screech enters, dressed in a muscle filled superhero costume] Hi, guys.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Take that back.
- Kelly Kapowski: Screech, why are you dressed like that?
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: 'Cause they wanted three hundred dollars for the Little Bo Beep costume.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Yeah, but why are you wearing this costume?
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Ha. See, that way, when the bad guys come, they won't notice me.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: The only place you wouldn't be noticed is in a nuthouse.
- Lisa Turtle: Don't be so sure.
- Woman in Film: [the gang are watching a movie] Don't go, Jonathan. I can't live without you.
- Man in Film: If you want me to stay, Lydia, let me hear those three special words.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [In high voice] Oh, Jonathan. Not here. Not now.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: [In deep voice] Oh, Lydia, don't tease me so. You know how weak I am.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [In high voice] It doesn't matter, Jonathan. You're rich.
- Kelly Kapowski, Lisa Turtle: Ssssshhhhh!
- [the girls move to the seats in front]
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: What? Girls!
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: What? You gonna move?
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris, Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: [Slater places his fake hand between the girls]
- [In ghostly voices]
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris, Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Mwahahahaha!
- Lisa Turtle: [Both turn round and swipe at them] You're so infantile, Slater!
- Kelly Kapowski: We're trying to watch the movie!
- Woman in Film: Oh, Jonathan, I love you. Let's ask the warden to marry us.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: [In deep voice] Are you proposing to me, my precious flower?
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [In high voice] Oh, yes, darling. You're the only man I ever loved.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: [In deep voice] Lydia.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: [In high voice] Jonathan.
- [the two embrace then laugh]
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Can I be the best man?
- Lisa Turtle: [Turns round] No, but you can be the dork of honor! Now shut up, I'm trying to watch the movie!
- [Zack giggles]
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: You can't scare Screechman.
- Lisa Turtle: Oh, no? Watch this.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Ooh, ooh, ooh!
- Lisa Turtle: [Turns round, shakes fist then spots the two men] It's them! They're here.
- Kelly Kapowski: "Oh, just shopping, it's a mall, you know." Right. I hope they kill you two first!
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Oh, officer, officer! I'm glad we found you.
- Kelly Kapowski: We need your help.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: These two mob guys are chasing us.
- Lisa Turtle: They want this money back that we found here yesterday.
- Kelly Kapowski: Or they're gonna kill us!
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Is that a jelly doughnut?
- Mall Cop: Yes! Which means I'm on break. Heh. Come back in ten minutes.
- Kelly Kapowski: Ten minutes? In ten minutes, we're gonna be wearing cement boots, sleeping in the ocean with the fishies!
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Save us from those guys!
- Mall Cop: Why should I? I'm with them.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: What?
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: I want my Mommy!
- Louie: All right, kids. Hand over the dough.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: All right. All right. Here you go. See ya!
- Louie: You're not going anywhere! We've got a surprise for you.
- Kelly Kapowski, Lisa Turtle: [tearfully] We're dead!
- Frankie: No, kids, you're on Candid Video!
- [a camera crew reveals themselves]
- Frankie: Wave to everyone at home!
- Kelly Kapowski: [They all wave halfheartedly in disbelief] The television show?
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: You mean you've been videotaping this whole thing?
- Louie: That's right. The ticket line, the movies, the boutique, everything.
- Lisa Turtle: Urgh. Well this is terrible! I was wearing the same outfit for two days!
- Mall Cop: And for being guests on our show, Candid Video's gonna give you five front row tickets to the U2 concert!
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers, Zachary 'Zack' Morris, Kelly Kapowski, Lisa Turtle, Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: What?
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Five front row tickets? Do you know how much money we could get for these?
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers, Kelly Kapowski, Lisa Turtle, Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: No!
- Kelly Kapowski: Wow, look at this line.
- Lisa Turtle: [sigh] Man, we'll never get tickets to the U2 concert.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Oh, ye of little faith.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: That's right. Yeah, we told you we had a plan. Hey, have I ever let you guys down before?
- Kelly Kapowski, Lisa Turtle: Yeah!
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: When?
- Lisa Turtle: The time you snuck us into the drive-in movie in the trunk of your car.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: So I forgot the trunk key! You still got to hear the movie.
- Kelly Kapowski: But it was a Japanese movie!
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Hey, I tried to read the subtitles as fast as I could.
- Kelly Kapowski: [the gang goes to the front of the line where Screech is asleep] Hey, how did Screech get ahead of the line?
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: He slept here all night.
- Lisa Turtle: How'd you get him to do that?
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Simple. We bribed him with a new teddy bear.
- Lisa Turtle: Hi, guys!
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Hey, Lisa. So, how are things going with you and the shoe salesman?
- Lisa Turtle: Oh, they're lookin' good. Eddie wants to give me a ride in his Air Jordans.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: How many pairs of shoes did you buy, Lisa?
- Lisa Turtle: Oh, just three. I'm on a tight budget.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: I think I've got a way to solve this money problem.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: How? Give it all to you?
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Alright, I'll think of another way.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Whoa, Screech! How'd you move up in line so fast?
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Old Disneyland tactic. I hid under a fern until I could blend into line.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: You're goofy.
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: No, but that's who taught me.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Look, Screech, we've got a little secret to tell you, but you gotta promise to keep it quiet.
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Hey, did I ever tell Slater how you filled his locker with tapicoa pudding?
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: That was you?
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Uhhhhh...
- [Snickers]
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: We don't have time for that.
- [Lisa hands him the bag]
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Look, Screech, we want you to buy a lot of tickets 'cause we just found five thousand dollars.
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: [Loudly] Five thousand dollars?
- [Lisa puts her hand over his mouth]
- Lisa Turtle: [to Screech] Okay?
- [He murmurs yes, she removes her hand]
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Hmm. Did you have a doughnut for breakfast, Lisa? Your hand tastes good.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Oh, man!
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater, Kelly Kapowski, Lisa Turtle: Urgh!
- Kelly Kapowski: I think we should turn the money in right away.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Hey, hey, hey, let's not be so rash. There are plenty of ways to make a quick buck.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Yeah! We could invest in the stock market and double our money.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: That's right.
- Kelly Kapowski: And what if we lose?
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Who cares? It's not our money!
- Lisa Turtle: [after a loudspeaker announcement has revealed that a new U2 concert has been added due to demand for the first] This is great! We have a second chance to go to the concert!
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Better yet, another chance to make a killing selling tickets.
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Oh, no, I'm not sleeping here again. Last night, the security dogs were nipping at my underwear.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: No, Screech, this time, we're all staying so we're guaranteed to be first in line.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Well, wait, how are we gonna pull that off, Preppie?
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: I don't know yet, but I do know we have a lot of money and, uh, a lot of hours to kill.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Hey, how about a little advance on tomorrow's profits, huh?
- Lisa Turtle: Yeah. Tickle my palm, honey. I've got places to go and shoes to try on.
- Kelly Kapowski: And I guess it'd be all right to look at some bathing suits. They were selling them for half off.
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Oh, which half are you gonna buy?
- Kelly Kapowski: You know, I've always defended you, but you really are a bozo.
- Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: [Inside tent] Can you please move? Your foot is on my hand.
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris: Hey, your hand is on my foot.
- Lisa Turtle: It's dark in here.
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: That's alright, my darling, I have X-Ray vision.
- [Commotion inside tent]
- Samuel 'Screech' Powers: Ow!
- Lisa Turtle: Get rid of that stupid costume!
- Kelly Kapowski: [the gang are dressed in the outfits the wedding store mannequins had on] We should've returned the money right when we found it! Lisa, why'd you have to be so nosey and pick up that bag?
- Zachary 'Zack' Morris, Albert Clifford 'A.C.' Slater: Yeah!
- Lisa Turtle: Hey, don't blame this on me! Zack's the one with all the bright ideas!
- [Suddenly smiling]
- Lisa Turtle: Hey, Kelly, is my corsage on straight?
- Kelly Kapowski: [Smiling] Yeah, it looks great!