Zach Braff credited as playing...
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian
- J.D.: Half of what rappers say doesn't make any sense. Like that Snoop Dogg Dr.Dre song? What is "still hittin' them corners and those ho-hos girl" mean?
- Turk: Many diadvantaged African-Americans have limited nutritional choices, therefore they must subsist of Ho-Ho snack cakes. It's a black thing, bra.
- Dr. Clock: Actually, Turk, it's "still hittin' them corners and those low-lows girl". It's low-lows, not ho-hos.
- Elliot: See, Turk, in the hood, a low-low is a low rider, or a car with an adjusted suspension which allows it to bounce up and down.
- [Elliot and Molly both inmitate bouncing]
- J.D.: [laughs] Ha-ha-ha.
- Elliot: And Dre and Snoop like driving around together in their low riders around the corners, or lizzle-rizzles.
- [starts rapping]
- Elliot: I'm representin' for them gangsters all across the world!
- Dr. Clock: Still hittin' them corners and them low-lows girls!
- Elliot, Dr. Clock: I'm takin' my time to perfect the beat, and I still got love for da street!
- Carla: Turk, you just got schooled on rap by the two whitest chicks in America!
- Turk: None of you can prove it.
- J.D.: I got it on tape.
- Elliot, Dr. Clock: Whicka, whicka, whicka.
- [imitating scratching discs]
- Turk: Dude, I've got my own problems! I've got a bedtime again! I haven't had a bedtime in like twelve years!
- J.D.: You had a bedtime when you were seventeen?
- Turk: No! Not every night. On the weekends I didn't have to be in bed by 11, but I had to be in my room.
- J.D.: Oh. That's way cooler.
- Turk: The point is Carla's setting some kind of record on being a major pain in the ass, and I can't help you.
- J.D.: Okay, everybody, gather around please?
- Dr. Cox: Newbie, I need to talk to you?
- J.D.: I'm a little busy right now, Perry!
- Dr. Cox: Oh. My fault, I'll come back later.
- J.D.: Oh, and another thing, From now on, I'd prefer it if you'd address me as "Dr. Dorian."
- Dr. Cox: [sotto] Are you really doing this?
- J.D.: [sotto] You bet your ass I am. And from now on, if you have a problem with me, you come see me in private, not in front of my boys! My boys got enough to worry about!
- Dr. Cox: [sotto] Wrap it up, there, bingo.
- J.D.: I simply will not tolerate it, Perry! And neither will my boys!
- Dr. Cox: [sotto] The next minute you find yourself alone, I'm gonna kill ya.
- J.D.: [sotto] It was worth it.
- J.D.: As I watched Elliot and Molly walk off, and thought about how Lonnie was a much less stable giant doctor base than Turk, I realized how important it is to have someone close to you that you can count on.
- Dr. Cox: Tell you what, there, Gidget, if you promise to leave right now, I won't yell at you in front of your peons anymore.
- J.D.: You ruined my credibility! Now look me in the eyes and tell me that's not messed up!
- Dr. Cox: Fair enough. Later on today when you are with your residents, I'll come up for something, you'll tell me you're too busy in a manly way, and I will contritely turn around and walk out of the room with my tail between my legs. Problem solved.
- J.D.: Can you pull off contrite?
- Dr. Cox: Can you pull off manly way?
- J.D.: Should have seen that coming.