John C. McGinley: Dr. Perry Cox

His Story

Dr. Perry Cox

Dr. Gross: I got very drunk last night and I decided that I'm not giving up on you. So... how'd you do with my counting exercise?
Dr. Cox: Honestly, I tried it once and thought it was stupid.
Dr. Gross: That's it. We're done.
Dr. Cox: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... you're dumping me?
Dr. Gross: [sarcastically] I hope we can remain friends.
Dr. Cox: [equally sarcastic] Oh, now, please, don't take away the privilege of letting me pay you $200 an hour so I can drag my ass in here and watch you nod. God knows the only other place I can get that on the planet is my Brett Favre bobble-head doll.
Dr. Gross: Fine! You wanna know what I really think? Your problem isn't that you make bad choices; it's that you identify the good choice and then intentionally do the opposite. It's... you see, behind this boorish bravado of yours, is a paralyzing fear of letting anyone into your life! And it isn't because you weren't "loved" when you were a kid... it's because you're so egocentric that the love wasn't enough! So you pulled pigtails and you pushed the fat kids into the dirt so no one could ignore little Perry. Well, little Perry is now 40 years old... and you're so invested in this narcissistic notion of yourself as "loner" that you can't quit! And you'll just keep dumping on everyone around you until eventually, and please trust me on this, there won't be anyone left.

Dr. Perry Cox: [rapidly] Kelso asked me to give him a physical. I did it and he said "thank you" and told me he owed me one.
Dr. Gross: You actually made a decision that benefited you personally and professionally?
Dr. Perry Cox: Well, a resident kind of talked me into it.
Dr. Gross: Come on, you're telling me that you actually took the advice of another human being?
[Cox nods]
Dr. Gross: This is a great moment for me.
Dr. Perry Cox: Congratulations.
Dr. Gross: Thank you. And Perry, if there's someone in your life at that hell hole of a hospital who you actually listen to, you should do everything in your power to keep them around, because that person is nothing short of a genius.
[cuts to J.D. in elevator]
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [sings] Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting!

Dr. Cox: [about to give Dr. Kelso a physical] Whatta ya say, there, Bob. How 'bout we do just like you do with Enid: Close our eyes, pretend we're with someone else, and be done before Leno starts.

Dr. Kelso: Uh, Perry, I just spoke to my cardiologist and he said if you hadn't discovered my high blood pressure, it may have resulted in my case of, um, death.
Dr. Cox: Huh?
Dr. Kelso: Thanks.
Dr. Cox: [thinking] MUST... FIGHT URGE... TO RUB IT IN HIS FACE!
Dr. Kelso: I owe you one.
Dr. Cox: [thinking] MUST... RUB... SOMETHING... IN SOMEONE'S FACE!
[turns to an unconscious patient]
Dr. Cox: How's that coma going for ya there, pal?
[thinking]
Dr. Cox: Much better!

Dr. Cox: Doc, Kelso asked me to give him a physical. I did it, and he thanked me and said he owed me one.
Cox's shrink: You're telling me that you actually made a decision that had a positive impact on your life?
Dr. Cox: Well, a resident
[J.D]
Dr. Cox: kinda talked me into it.
Cox's shrink: You mean to tell me that you actually took the advice of another human being? This is a big moment for me.
Dr. Cox: Yuh-huh.
Cox's shrink: Well, by God, Perry, if there is a person in that hell-hole of a hospital that can give you advice, keep that person around you for as long as possible. Because, that person is a genius.
[Cut to J.D in an elevator, singing and dancing]
J.D.: Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting! /
[pause]
J.D.: Those kicks were fast as lightning!