Jason Alexander credited as playing...
George Costanza
- Crichton: Excuse me, sir, what are you doing?
- George Costanza: [glances at the bathroom door] I'm all set.
- Crichton: Did you take that book with you into the bathroom?
- [pause]
- George Costanza: What do you want to hear?
- George Costanza: They made me buy it... A hundred bucks this thing cost me.
- [George gestures to the book]
- George Costanza: How dare they? I got news for you, if it wasn't for the toilet, there would be no books.
- Jerry Seinfeld: [Sarcastically] Yeah. I understand Guttenberg used to spend a lot of time in there.
- George Costanza: They're selling coffee, bran muffins... you're surrounded by reading material... It's entrapment!
- Jerry Seinfeld: [Reading the cover of the book George was forced to buy] 'French Impressionist Paintings'?
- George Costanza: I find the soothing pastoral images very conduc...
- Jerry Seinfeld: [Cutting him off] Thank you very much.
- Rebecca DeMornay: Oh, wait a second. This book has been in the bathroom.
- George Costanza: Wh-what are you talking about? That... that's ridiculous.
- Rebecca DeMornay: It's been flagged. I know. I used to work in a Brentano's... Mister, we're trying to help the homeless here. It's bad enough that we have some nut out there trying to strap 'em to a rickshaw!
- George Costanza: Alright... I, I'll just take fifty. Do... do we have a deal?
- Rebecca DeMornay: Yeah, and here it is: You get your toilet book out of here, and I won't jump over this counter and punch you in the brain!
- George Costanza: I could take it in merchandise.
- Rebecca DeMornay: [Threateningly] Here I come.
- [George immediately grabs the book and exits]
- Jerry Seinfeld: [as Elaine walks up, disheveled] Sleeping in the car again?
- Elaine Benes: Cocktail flu.
- Jerry Seinfeld: [Remembering] Oh, right. The big party...
- George Costanza: You, uh, didn't dance again, did you?
- Elaine Benes: No, I found a better way to humiliate myself. There was this guy, and we had a few too many...
- George Costanza: You went home with him?
- Elaine Benes: Worse. We made out at the table like our plane was going down!
- Jerry Seinfeld: [Rubbing it in] Ah, the drunken make-out. An office classic. Did you end up xeroxing anything?
- Elaine Benes: [Gives Jerry a look] Do you know how embarrassing this is to someone in my position?
- Jerry Seinfeld: What's your position?
- Elaine Benes: *I* am an *associate*.
- George Costanza: Hey, me too.
- [Waitress walks up]
- Waitress: Yeah, me too.
- Elaine Benes: Oh God. Why did I do this? Now I'm the office skank.
- George Costanza: Well, unless you tell everybody you're dating.
- Elaine Benes: Ooh... right. 'Cause if we're dating, what everyone saw was just a beautiful moment between two lovers.
- Jerry Seinfeld: As opposed to a spirited bout of Skanko-Roman wrestling.
- Elaine Benes: Ooh, bravo.