Jerry Seinfeld credited as playing...
Jerry Seinfeld
- Cosmo Kramer: Jerry, you stand on the threshold to the magical world of sensual delights that most men dare not dream of.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Boy, you can really talk some trash.
- Jerry Seinfeld: [to George] I guess that's better than eating it.
- Jerry Seinfeld: So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."
- George Louis Costanza: No, no, no. It was not trash.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Was it in the trash?
- George Louis Costanza: Yes.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Then it was trash.
- George Louis Costanza: It wasn't down in. It was sort of on top.
- Jerry Seinfeld: But it was in the cylinder.
- George Louis Costanza: Above the rim.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Adjacent to refuse is refuse.
- George Louis Costanza: It was on a magazine, and it still had the doily on.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Was it eaten?
- George Louis Costanza: One little bite.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Well, that's garbage.
- George Louis Costanza: But I know who took the bite. It was her aunt.
- Jerry Seinfeld: You, my friend, have crossed the line that divides man and bum. You are now a bum.
- [first lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: I can't figure out why they make these bizarre toilet seats that they have. You know? Like the clear lucite ones, with all the coins in it? It's a lovely tribute to our past president, by the way. It's not bad enough Lincoln got shot in the head. We gotta pull down our pants and sit on it too. It's just incomprehensible that you would buy a thing like this. You install it on your toilet seat. This says what about you? Well, I can't afford to just throw money down the toilet, but look how close I am.