Jason Alexander credited as playing...
George Costanza
- Alton Benes: Which one's supposed to be the funny guy?
- George Costanza: Oh, he's the comedian.
- Jerry Seinfeld: I'm just a regular person.
- George Costanza: No, no. He's just being modest.
- Alton Benes: We had a funny guy with us in Korea. A tailgunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific. There's nothing funny about that!
- George Costanza: Master of the house, keeper of the inn...
- [Jerry proudly models his new jacket in front of George. George looks in admiration at the jacket]
- George Costanza: This is huge! When did this happen?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Wednesday. This jacket has completely changed my life. When I leave the house in this, it's with a whole different confidence. Like tonight, I might've been a little nervous. But, inside this jacket, I am composed, grounded, secure that I can meet an social challenge.
- George Costanza: [Nods] Can I say one thing to you? And I say this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Absolutely.
- George Costanza: It's fabulous.
- George Costanza: If she doesn't show up, we can't possibly have dinner with him alone.
- Jerry Seinfeld: How are we gonna get out of it?
- George Costanza: We'll say we're frightened and we have to go home!
- Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah, that's good. He'd clunk our heads together like Moe!
- [George is singing "Master of the House" from Les Miserables]
- Jerry Seinfeld: What is that song?
- George Costanza: Oh, it's from Les Miserables. I went to see it last week. I can't get it out of my head. I just keep singing it over and over. It just comes out. I have no control over it. I'm singing it on elevators, buses. I sing it in front of clients. It's taking over my life.
- Jerry Seinfeld: You know, Schumann went mad from that.
- George Costanza: Artie Schumann? From Camp Hatchapee?
- Jerry Seinfeld: No, you idiot.
- George Costanza: What are you, Bud Abbott? What are you calling me an idiot for?
- Jerry Seinfeld: You don't know Robert Schumann? The composer?
- George Costanza: Oh, Schu-MANN. Of course.
- Jerry Seinfeld: He went crazy from one note. He couldn't get it out of his head. I think it was an A. He kept repeating it over and over again. He had to be institutionalized.
- George Costanza: Really? Well, what if it doesn't stop?
- [Jerry shrugs his shoulders]