Jerry Seinfeld credited as playing...
Jerry Seinfeld
- Jerry Seinfeld: [discussing why George was dumped] So she sees you with hot fudge on your face, and she ends it? Do you really think she would be that superficial?
- George Costanza: Why not? I would be.
- George Costanza: All right. All right. What, what are they saying?
- [the gang eavesdrops on Gwen and Todd's conversation with Laura watching, reading their lips, signs, and Kramer translating her sign language]
- Kramer: [translating] Hi, Gwen. High tide.
- Jerry Seinfeld: High tide?
- Kramer: Hi Todd.
- [translating]
- Kramer: You got something in between your teeth.
- George Costanza: Where?
- Kramer: No, that's what he said.
- [translating]
- Kramer: That's interesting. I love carrots, but I hate carrot soup. And I hate peas, but I love pea soup.
- [to George]
- Kramer: So do I, huh?
- Elaine Benes: [to Jerry] So wild! Can I borrow her for a few hours tomorrow afternoon?
- Jerry Seinfeld: No, if I lend her to you, I have to lend her to everybody.
- Gwen: I don't envy you, Todd. This place is gonna be a mess.
- Todd: Well, maybe you can stick around after everybody leaves and we can sweep together.
- Kramer: [translating] Why don't stick around and we could *sleep* together?
- George Costanza: [shocked] What?
- Kramer: [translating] You want me to sleep with you?
- Todd: I don't wanna sweep alone.
- Kramer: [translating] He says, "I don't wanna sleep alone." And she says, "Oh, boy. Love to."
- George Costanza: [becoming mad] All right. That's it.
- [walks over to them]
- George Costanza: So, you get rid of me and now the two of you are gonna sleep together?
- Gwen: What? You're crazy!
- Kramer: [while translating to Jerry and Elaine] What? You're crazy.
- George Costanza: I heard your whole conversation.
- Gwen: How?
- [George looks the other way as Laura signs it]
- Kramer: [translates] How?
- George Costanza: I can read lips. You said, "let's sleep together."
- Gwen: No, I didn't! I said "sweep." Let's sweep together, you know, like with a
- [while Kramer translates it to Jerry and Elaine]
- Gwen: broom, cleaning up?
- George Costanza: Sweep?
- Kramer, Gwen: Yes. Sweep.
- Kramer: Jerry, do me a favor. Next time you see that lineswoman, ask her how ball boys get that job. I'd love to do that.
- Jerry Seinfeld: I think perhaps you've overlooked one of the key aspects of this activity- It's ball boys, not ball men. There are no ball men.
- [first lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: Professional tennis. To me, I don't understand all the shushing. Why're they always shushing? "Shh! Shh!" Don't the players know that we're there? Should we duck down behind the seat so they don't see us watching them? To me tennis is basically just Ping-Pong, and the players are standin' on the table. That's all it is. And that goofy scoring. You win one point, all of a sudden you're up by 15. Two points, 30-love. "Thirty-love". Sounds like an English call girl. "That'll be 30, love. And could you be a little quieter next time, please? Shh!"
- [last lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: I've always been a big fan of the little check move. You know... Can I get the check? Check. Unless the waiter's not too sharp, they gotta total it up. The check, I want the check. Sometimes they come over, "Do you want the check? -- No, I wanna be pen pals. Can't you see what I'm doing here? I'm trying to be cool and impress people."