Jason Alexander credited as playing...
George Costanza
- George Costanza: Let me ask you something. What do you do for a living, Newman?
- Newman: I'm a United States postal worker.
- George Costanza: Aren't those the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?
- Newman: Sometimes.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Why is that?
- Newman: Because the mail never stops! It just keeps coming and coming and coming. There's never a letup, it's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more and more, and you gotta get it out, but the more you get it out, the more it keeps coming in! And then the barcode reader breaks! And then, it's Publisher's Clearinghouse Day!
- Jerry Seinfeld: All right, all right, all right!
- George Costanza: You don't speak any English?
- Housekeeper: No English.
- George Costanza: I would like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your body.
- George Costanza: I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter. My grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to fail.
- George Costanza: What kind of person *are* you?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Pretty much like you, only successful.
- George Costanza: What gives you pleasure?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Listening to you. I listen to this for 15 minutes, I'm on top of the world. Your misery is my pleasure.