Jerry Seinfeld credited as playing...
Jerry Seinfeld
- Cosmo Kramer: This pirate trend that she's come up with, Jerry, this is gonna be the new look for the '90s. You're gonna be the first pirate!
- Jerry Seinfeld: But I don't want to be a pirate!
- Jerry Seinfeld: It's a puffy shirt. I feel ridiculous in it and I think it's the stupidest shirt I've ever seen, to be perfectly honest with you.
- Leslie: [off-stage] YOU BASTARD!
- Bryant Gumbel: Did you hear that?
- Jerry Seinfeld: That, I heard.
- George Costanza: My mother has never laughed. Not a giggle, not a chuckle, not a tee hee, never went "Ha".
- Jerry Seinfeld: Smirk?
- George Costanza: Maybe.
- [Jerry is wearing the puffy shirt before his homeless folks fundraising interview on America's Today Show]
- Jerry Seinfeld: [about the low-talker] I can't! The woman has orders. They are maing the shirts as we speak!
- Elaine Benes: But Jerry! You're supposed to be a compassionate person who cares about people! You look like you're gonna swing in on a chandelier!
- [last lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: Why do we always have to say "excuse me," when we can't hear what someone is saying? Why are we so guilty? "Excuse me. Pardon me. I'm sorry..." Why can't just once, I go, "Nope. Not loud enough?" Why can't I do that? Just once I would like to have the guts, you know, to make that judgment. Someone mumbles something and you go, "Your fault. I'm not sorry because it's your fault."
- [first lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: There's no way that moving in with your parents, is a sign that your life is right on track. There's no way that you could fake this, even. "Yeah, things are going great. I met a terrific girl; I got a great job, making a lot of money; and if everything goes according to plan, I'm going to be moving back in with my parents soon." It's like getting busted on a parole violation, and thrown back into the slammer. "In the opinion of the board, you'd need further rehabilitation, I'm afraid." And you go back into that little room of yours, you feel so huge, it's like you can take your bed and just crush it in your hands. You can hold your parents between your fingers going, "Why was I so afraid of you people when I was growing up?"