Jason Alexander: George Costanza

The Voice

George Costanza

Mr. Thomassoulo: You win, George. We've had it. If you leave right now, Play Now will give you six months' pay. That's half of your entire contract. Please... just go.
George Costanza: You see, if I stay the whole year, I get it all.
Mr. Thomassoulo: Want to play hardball, huh? Fine.
[picking up his phone receiver and turing on the intercom]
Mr. Thomassoulo: Attention, Play Now employees. George Costanza's handicapped bathroom on the sixteenth floor is now open to all employees and their families.
[he hangs up]
George Costanza: Well played.
Mr. Thomassoulo: I'll see you in hell, Costanza.

Jerry: Hey, there's Claire. I better go down.
George Costanza: Hey, there's Kramer and Darin.
Jerry: There's the giant ball of oil. Claire's right underneath that thing. Claire! Hello! Helloooo! Helllooooo!
Claire: I don't believe this. I am not looking up if you're going to do that voice!
Cosmo Kramer: Bombs away.
Jerry: This is gonna be a shame.

Jerry: The bump into always leads to the backslide.
Elaine Benes: David and I will not be getting back together.
Jerry: Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push. You got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.
George Costanza: That's beautiful.
Elaine Benes: What about you? You were even engaged, and you cut it off just like that.
Jerry: That's different. I didn't have feelings for those people. But you, you'll backslide.
Elaine Benes: You want to bet?
Jerry: Stakes?
Elaine Benes: Fifty.
Jerry: Dollars?
Elaine Benes: All right. Witness?
George Costanza: Witness.
Jerry: Done.
George Costanza: Percentage?
Jerry, Elaine Benes: No.

[after Play Now learns George isn't really handicapped]
Mr. Thomassoulo: George, I've realized we've signed a one year contract with you, but at this point, I think it's best that we both go our separate ways.
George Costanza: I don't understand.
Mr. Thomassoulo: We don't like you and we want you to leave.

[entering his office through an air vent after finding the door boarded up]
George Costanza: Hello, Margery. George Costanza. How are you sweetheart? Listen, can you give Mr. Thomassoulo a message for me? Yes. If he needs me, tell him I'M IN MY OFFICE! Thanks.

Jerry: [Kramer and Darin roll an oil drum down the hallway] Trouble down at the plant?
Cosmo Kramer: It's a tank of oil. Darin and I are finally gonna test out my bladder system.
George Costanza: You have to drink that whole thing?
Cosmo Kramer: No, no, no. It's for oil tankers. All I need to do is fill some sort of rubber container with oil and then drop it to see whether or it not it can withstand the impact.
Jerry: [ironically] I understand.
George Costanza: Would a giant, rubber ball work?
Cosmo Kramer: Conceivably.
George Costanza: Well, Play Now has all kinds of different rubber balls. Why don't we test your bladder system at my office?
Jerry: You're not.
George Costanza: Oh, yes I am. Mr. Thomassoulo likes to play dirty? Well, there's nothing dirtier than a giant ball of oil.

George Costanza: They sent some guys in to sandblast for 6 hours. Tomorrow, they're putting in asbestos.

Elaine Benes: Hey.
Jerry: [doing "the voice"] Helloooo!
George Costanza: [doing "the voice", too] Helloooo, Elaine.
Elaine Benes: What's that?
Jerry: Oh, it's just this stupid thing.
Elaine Benes: Well, I'm sure it's stupid. It's not about me, is it?
Jerry: [doing "the voice" again] Noooo.
George Costanza: [doing "the voice" again, too] Not at all.
Elaine Benes: Tell me!
Jerry: All right. You know this girl Claire I'm seeing?
Elaine Benes: Yeah.
Jerry: Well, he and I starting joking that when she falls asleep, her stomach stays awake all night and talks to me.
Elaine Benes: How is it talking?
Jerry: Well, her belly button is like a mouth.
[pantomiming his belly button moving like a mouth and doing the voice]
Jerry: I'm bored. Talk to me.
Elaine Benes: Oh, I gotta start taking these "stupid" warnings more seriously.