Dan Castellaneta credited as playing...
Homer Simpson • Krusty the Clown • Mr. Teeny • Hans Moleman • Chairman • Man in Audience • Barney Gumble
- Sideshow Bob: [Sideshow bob is watching TV with Selma]
- Man: Thank you, Sen?or MacGyver, you saved our village.
- MacGyver: Don't thank me, thank the Moon's gravitational pull.
- Selma: That MacGyver's a genius.
- Sideshow Bob: First of all, he's not a genius, he's an actor, and second, he's not *much* of an actor.
- Selma: You're lying! You're lying!
- Sideshow Bob: No Selma, this is lying: that was a well-plotted piece of nonclaptrap that never made me want to retch.
- [watching TV, Bart suddenly realizes Bob's plan]
- Bart: [shoots to his feet] Aunt Selma has one hour to live!
- Homer Simpson: Hey, down in front.
- [Sideshow Bob wins an Emmy in prison]
- Sideshow Bob: This is one more Emmy than you'll ever win, you bantering jack-in-the-box!
- Krusty the Clown: Just don't drop that thing in the shower, Bob!
- Sideshow Bob: No-talent shill!
- Krusty the Clown: Second banana!
- Sideshow Bob: Panderer!
- Krusty the Clown: Bore!
- Homer Simpson: Gee, if some snot-nosed kid sent me to prison, the first thing out I'd find out where he lives, and tear him a new belly button!
- [he mimes stabbing an imaginary kid with his steak knife]
- Homer Simpson: Lousy snitch...
- [jerks the knife upward]
- Homer Simpson: YAAH!
- [Bart chuckles nervously]
- Sideshow Bob: [chuckling] Ah, Mr. Simpson, you're forgetting the first two noble truths of the Buddha.
- Homer Simpson: I am not!
- Sideshow Bob: Bart, I must know how did you untangle my web?
- Homer Simpson: Yeah, Bart, clue us in.
- Bart: [looking at Chief Wiggum] I'd hate to tell the number-one cop in town how to do his job.
- Chief Wiggum: No, please, it's the only way I'll learn.
- Bart: All right. Sideshow Bob seemed desperate to get that fireplace, but why? Then it hit me - The gas! Surely anyone would have noticed a gas leak except Aunt Selma.
- Selma: [flashback] I permanently lost my sense of smell.
- Bart: She happily watched MacGyver unaware that her room was silently filling with natural gas. All it needed to explode was a single spark, say, from a cigarette.
- Selma: [flashback] I've decided to give up smoking except after meals and MacGyver.
- Bart: Her only hope was a plucky young boy and his slow-witted father. When Aunt Selma lights up after MacGyver she'll be blown to kingdom come.
- Homer Simpson: [flashback] Come again?
- Bart: After trying four times to explain it to Homer I explained it to Mom and we were on our way!
- Homer Simpson: [flashback] To the Simpson Mobile!
- Sideshow Bob: If you saved Selma, why did the room explode?
- Chief Wiggum: Oh, I'll field that one.
- Chief Wiggum: [flashback: The police and Homer smoking cigars] Me and my boys were celebrating on a job well done when I threw my match in the vicinity of the crime scene.
- Chief Wiggum: [flashback: The room explodes] Oh, right, the gas.
- Sideshow Bob: [being led away in handcuffs, laughing at the end] I'll be back. You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever. And when they get in, I'm back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.
- Selma: I feel like such a fool.
- Marge: Well, he fooled almost everyone. But there was one little boy who never lost his mistrust.
- Bart: Thanks, Mom. Now, let's get out of this gas-filled hallway before we all suffocate.
- Krusty the Clown: Come here, you!
- Sideshow Bob: [laughs]
- Krusty the Clown: Missed you!
- Sideshow Bob: This guy is a natural treasure!
- Krusty the Clown: That jerk I got to replace you... He isn't fit to hold your slide whistle.