Kelsey Grammer credited as playing...
Sideshow Bob
- Blue-Haired Lawyer: What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say die Bart die?
- Sideshow Bob: No, that's German
- [unveils tattoo]
- Sideshow Bob: for 'The Bart The'.
- Woman on Parole Board: No one who speaks German could be an evil man.
- Homer: Hey, kids! Want to drive through that cactus patch?
- Bart: Yeah!
- Lisa: Yeah!
- Sideshow Bob: [underneath car] No!
- Homer: Well, two against one!
- [drives through cactus field]
- Sideshow Bob: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
- Sideshow Bob: Now, Bart, any last requests?
- Bart Simpson: [sees a sign that says "Springfield 15 Mi" pass behind Bob, decides to buy himself some time] Well, there was one, but... Naah, forget it.
- Sideshow Bob: No, go on.
- Bart Simpson: It's just that you have such a beautiful voice...
- Sideshow Bob: Guilty as charged.
- Bart Simpson: Uh huh. Anyway, I was wondering if you could sing the entire score of the "H.M.S. Pinafore".
- Sideshow Bob: Very well, Bart. I shall send you to Heaven before I send you to hell. and a 1 and a 2 and
- [singing]
- Sideshow Bob: "We sail the ocean blue, and our saucy ship's a beauty. We are sober men and true, and attentive to our duty..."
- [later]
- Sideshow Bob: "I'm called Little Buttercup, poor Little Buttercup, thugh I could never tell why..."
- [later]
- Sideshow Bob: ..."What never?" "No never." "What never?" "Hardly ever!"
- [with Bart]
- Sideshow Bob, Bart Simpson: "he's hardly ever sick at sea..."
- [later]
- Sideshow Bob: "... For he himself has said it, and it's clearly to his credit, that he is an Englishman. He remai-hains ah-han Eh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hengLISHman!"
- Marge: You awful man! Stay away from my son!
- Sideshow Bob: [menacing] Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right! Stay away... FOREVER!
- Homer: Oh, no!
- Sideshow Bob: Wait a minute. That's no good.
- [walks away, then runs back]
- Sideshow Bob: Wait, I've got a good one now! Marge, say "stay away from my son" again.
- Marge: No!
- Police Chief Wiggum: You're under arrest, Sideshow Bob!
- Sideshow Bob: BY LUCIFER'S BEARD!
- Police Chief Wiggum: Uh... Yeah. It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel!
- Bart Simpson: What do you want?
- Sideshow Bob: Surely there's no harm in laying in the middle of a public street.
- [Bob is subsequently trampled by an oncoming parade, which includes several elephants]
- Sideshow Bob: Not the elephants!
- Blue-Haired Lawyer: Robert, if released, would you pose any threat to one Bart Simpson?
- Sideshow Bob: Bart Simpson?
- [chuckles]
- Sideshow Bob: The spirited little scamp who twice foiled my evil schemes and sent me to this dank, urine-soaked hellhole?
- Parole Board Officer: Uh, we object to the term "urine-soaked hellhole", when you could have said "pee-pee soaked heckhole."
- Sideshow Bob: Cheerfully withdrawn.
- [after writing a death threat to Bart in blood, Bob starts writing another letter with his bleeding finger]
- Sideshow Bob: "Dear 'Life in These United States,' a funny thing happened to me...?
- [as his finger bleeds freely, he sways, woozy, and collapses onto the desk]
- Snake: Use a pen, Sideshow Bob.