John Waters credited as playing...
John
- John: Homer, I won your respect, and all I had to do was save your life. Now, if every gay man could just do the same, you'd be set.
- Marge: Homer, look! It's a TV Guide owned by Jackie O!
- John: You should see the crossword puzzle! She thought Mindy lived with "Mark."
- Homer: Give her a break! Her husband was killed!
- John: Oh, I know! Wasn't that awful? Hi, I'm John! Can I help you with anything?
- Marge: Yes, I have something that I'd like to sell.
- John: Please tell me it's your hair.
- Marge: No, it's an heirloom my grandmother passed down to me. A very rare, old figurine from the Civil War.
- Lisa: Please don't construe our ownership of this as an endorsement of slavery.
- John: Hmm, well see, here's the thing on this. It's a Johnny Reb bottle, early 1970s, one of the J & R Liquor lads. Two books of green stamps, if I'm not mistaken.
- Marge: Oh, no! Oh no! No, no, no, no! It's a very, very old figurine!
- John: No, it's a liquor bottle. See?
- [Unscrews the cap and pours himself a drink]
- John: Ah, that'll make your bull run!
- Homer: How can you love a box or a toy or graphics? You're a grown man.
- John: It's camp!
- [Homer stares blankly]
- John: The tragically ludicrous? The ludicrously tragic?
- Homer: Oh, yeah. Like when a clown dies.
- John: Well, sort of. But I mean more like inflatable furniture, or Last Supper TV trays, or even this bowling shirt.
- [He turns, revealing it was Homer's]
- John: Can you believe somebody gave this to Goodwill?