Hank Azaria: Superintendent Chalmers • Stan • Carl • ...

Marge Simpson in: 'Screaming Yellow Honkers'

Superintendent Chalmers • Stan • Carl • Chief Wiggum • Moe Szyslak • Snake • Lou

Chalmers: Well, Seymour, it seems we've put together a baseball team, and I'm wondering, who's on first, eh?
Principal Skinner: Not the pronoun, but rather a player with the unlikely name of "Who" is on first.
Chalmers: Well that's just great, Seymour. We've been out here six seconds and you've already managed to blow the routine.
[Chalmers storms off]
Chalmers: [muttering under his breath] Sexless freak.

Lisa Simpson: How'd you know the plan would work, Mom?
Marge Simpson: Thanks for asking. Well, I was watching "Dateline", and Stone Phillips said SUVs always roll over when you turn sharply, and the gas tanks explode at the drop of a hat.
Zookeeper: And she also knew if a rhino sees a flame, he'll instinctively try to put it out.
Marge Simpson: Stone Phillips again!
Homer Simpson: Is there anything that guy doesn't know?
Zookeeper: Why this Stone Phillips sounds like quite a bloke! What television network is he on?
Bart Simpson: Why, NBC, of course!
Lisa Simpson: NBC has lots of great shows, and their news and sports coverage can't be beat!
Chief Wiggum: Do ya think there's anything great on NBC right now?
Homer Simpson: Oh, I'm sure of it.
Marge Simpson: But there's only one way to find out!
[the episode ends]

Chief Wiggum: [Eddie walks into the road rage class in a bear costume] Why, it's Curtis E. Bear--the Courtesy Bear!
Eddie: [briefly dances and hums]
Chief Wiggum: For the next three hours, this bear will take your verbal and physical abuse with good nature and aplomb. So, if you'll all just grab one of these two-by-fours...
Eddie: Uh, Chief, can I at least shield my crotch?
Chief Wiggum: Bears can't talk, Eddie.