Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson • Donut Attorney • Giant Donut • ...

Simpson Tide

Homer Simpson • Donut Attorney • Giant Donut • Barney • Pastry Chef • Grampa • Mrs. Gumble • Corn Vendor • Lenin • Jack Marley

Kent Brockman: Could Homer Simpson be a communist? His father spoke out on his behalf.
Grampa Simpson: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is *not* a porn star!

[Bart has an earring]
Bart: Come on, Homer, didn't you ever do anything crazy when you were my age?
Homer: Well, yeah, when I was 10, I got my ear pierced. But this is completely different.

Naval Recruiter: Just fill out this form, and you're on your way to the reserve.
Homer Simpson: There's a question that's crossed out.
Naval Recruiter: Well... due to a recent presidential order, we're not allowed to ask that particular question.
Homer Simpson: I think I can make it out.
[reads]
Homer Simpson: "Are you a homosex..."
Naval Recruiter: [interrupts] For God's sake, don't answer that, I could go to jail!
Homer Simpson: But I'm not a homose...
Naval Recruiter: [covers his ears and sings loudly] La, la, la, la, la, la, la, I am not lis-ten-ing! La, la, la, la, la...
[exits]
Homer Simpson: Nice fella. I wonder if he's gay?

Homer Simpson: I've joined the Naval Reserve.
Barney: I'm not going to let anything happen to my best friend. I'm joining too.
Moe: I'm not going to let anything happen to my two best customers, I'm joining, too.
Apu: Even though my religion strictly forbids military service, what the hey.

Smithers: [after a disaster involving a donut] Uh, sir, we found the problem. Some idiot threw this in the reactor core.
Homer: Success!
Mr. Burns: [incredulous] *You* did this? How could you be so irresponsible?
Homer: Uh, it's my first day.
Mr. Burns: Since I've never seen you before, maybe it is your first day. Very well! Carry on.
[begins to walk away]
Smithers: Uh, sir. That's Homer Simpson. He's been working here for ten years!
Mr. Burns: [walking back to Homer] Oh really! Why did you think you could lie to me?
Homer: It's my first day.
Mr. Burns: Well, why didn't you say...
Mr. Burns: [realizes] WHOA! YOU'RE FIRED!

Marge: What on earth possessed you to get an earring?
Bart: Milhouse has one.
Marge: If Milhouse jumped off a cliff...
Bart: Milhouse jumped off a cliff? I'm there.
Homer: Get back here, boy. You're a disgrace to this family and its proud naval tradition.
Bart: Well, I'm keeping this earring and you can't stop me.
Homer: Oh... I always thought Lisa would be the one to get her ears pierced.
Lisa: Can I?
Homer: No.

Naval Captain: Attention, Homer Simpson: you have ten seconds to explain yourself before we open fire.
Homer Simpson: [into megaphone] Umm... it's my first day!
[Captain and crew laugh]
Homer Simpson: [to Spanish fleet] Es mi dia primero!
[Captain and crew laugh]
Homer Simpson: [to Chinese fleet] Pu gong quan chu chon gong tshoo!
[Captain and crew laugh]
Homer Simpson: [to S.S. Antarctica] Quack, quack, quack.
[penguins chuckle]

Homer Simpson: [Keeps to get angry at his son has ear pierced, and thinks about it on board of the submarine sinking after a pinhole leak]
Bart: Dad? The earring could plug the hole.
Homer Simpson: I'll plug your hole!
[thinks a little]
Homer Simpson: I mean, eureka!

Grampa Simpson: I was on PT 109 with John F. Kennedy. I was the first to discover his *terrible* secret.
John F. Kennedy: [flashback] Ich bin ein Berliner.
Grampa Simpson: [gasp] He's a Nazi! Get him!
[Grampa and the men advance on Kennedy and beat him up]

Homer: [while in recruit training, he is tying a knot] There. The perfect sheepshank.
Drill Sergeant: Very nice, Simpson. But next time, tie the other end to the ship!
Homer: [a vessel goes down a waterfall; the crew scream as they plummet] Ohh!