Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson • Screamapillar • Blue-Haired Lawyer • ...

The Frying Game

Homer Simpson • Screamapillar • Blue-Haired Lawyer • Gil • Irish Priest • Guard • 'Frame Up!' Host

Marge Simpson: Oh, I can't wait to see my surprise.
Homer: [her pupil peeks out over the top of her blindfold] Hey, hey, hey, no peeking.
[he rolls it back]
Homer: [finally taking the blindfold off] Happy anniversary, Marge.
Marge Simpson: A koi pond! It's beautiful. Oh, you sweet, wonderful man-child. I finally have a peaceful place to sit and hear my own thoughts.
[thinking]
Marge Simpson: How much money did he piss away on this?

Homer: [accidentally squishing the screamapillar] Oh, no! I crushed that horrible bug. What should I do?
[his shoulder devil appears]
Homer: Bury it quickly, before anyone finds out.
[his shoulder angel appears]
Homer: Ooh, I'm gonna tell.
[devil]
Homer: The hell you will!
[he throws his trident at the angel, killing him]
Homer: Now we're in it together. There's no going back.
[he and Homer high-five]
Homer: Yeah!
[as Homer buries the animal, a helicopter appears]
EPA Man: Stop what you're doing. Why don't I hear any screaming?
Homer: Uh, he's sleeping.
EPA Man: Then why don't I hear any sleep screams?
Homer: Well, uh, the thing about that is, uh...
[muffled screaming from the hole]
Homer: Whoo-hoo! He's alive!
[chuckling]
Homer: Now you can't punish me.
Judge Snyder: [in court] Homer Simpson, for attempted insecticide and aggravated buggery, I sentence you to 200 hours of community service.
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Meals on Wheels. Eat it up or I go to jail.
Old Jewish Guy: [seeing the dessert has been eaten] Didn't these meals used to have a cobbler?
Homer: Uh, they discontinued the cobbler.
Old Jewish Guy: [sniffing him] You smell like cobbler.
Homer: Now, let's not get into who smells like what.

Homer: What the hell is that noise?
Lisa Simpson: That caterpillar is screaming.
Homer: [it continues to do so] Aw, the poor thing's in pain. What he needs is a visit from kindly old Dr. Foot.
EPA Man: Hold it right there, Dr. Foot. You're about to kill an endangered species, the screamapillar, which has chosen your yard as its home.
Homer: Fine, I won't kill it.
[whispering to Lisa]
Homer: Finish the job.
EPA Man: Mr. Simpson, allowing an endangered species to die is a federal offense under the Reversal of Freedoms Act of 1994. You are now legally responsible for the safety and well-being of this screamapillar. Everything you need to know is in this pamphlet.
Lisa Simpson: [taking it] "Screamapillar Care Tips." Wow, look at all this stuff. "Without constant reassurance, it will die. It's sexually attracted to fire..."
Homer: Are you sure God doesn't want it to be dead?
EPA Man: Hey, what's God's gonna do, make my wife leave me again?

Homer: Guys, I just ordered my wife the greatest anniversary present. A koi pond.
Carl: A koi pond?
Moe: Yeah, a meditative lily pond with, big, beautiful fish that fry up really good.
Carl: Oh, that's the perfect gift.
Lenny: Yeah, you don't even have to feed the fish 'cause squirrels drown in it.
Carl: You got this husband thing down, Homer.
Lenny: Yeah, you must be some kind of marriage super-genius. How about a few tips?
Homer: Certainly, Lenford. Make every day a celebration of your love. Surprise her with a pasta salad. Put a mini-beret on your wang.
Lenny: [taking notes] Ooh, this stuff is gold.
Carl: Happy marriage, here I come.
Moe: Hmm. This will really help with my speed dating.
[leaving, then coming back a moment later]
Moe: I got 400 "nos".

John Coffey: [Homer is on his way to death row and passes by John Coffey's cell] Gimme ya hands boss.
Homer: [Homer reaches out to John, but is strangled by him]
John Coffey: I'll kill you! I Killed all dem people, I'll kill you too!
John Coffey: [the guards break them up and he holds up a mouse] You want some cornbread Mr Jingles. Well you can forget it, because I'M GONNA KILL YOU!