Nancy Cartwright credited as playing...
Bart Simpson
- Bart Simpson: Hey, dad. What's the word from planet crackpot?
- Homer Simpson: Oh, I suppose you're going to mock me, too.
- Bart Simpson: Well, actually, dad, I believe you.
- Homer Simpson: You do?
- Bart Simpson: Yes, I do. You seem so damn sure.
- Homer Simpson: Thank you, son. And do you think you could stop the casual swearing?
- Bart Simpson: Hell, yes.
- Homer: This Friday, we're going back to the woods and we're going to find that alien!
- Bart Simpson: What if we don't?
- Homer: We'll fake it and sell it to the FOX network.
- Bart Simpson: They'll buy anything.
- Homer: Now, son, they do a lot of quality programming, too.
- [both burst out laughing]
- Homer: I kill me.
- Bart Simpson: Yo, dad, can I have a sip of your beer?
- Homer Simpson: Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.
- Lisa: All right! It's time for ABC's "TGIF" line-up!
- Bart Simpson: Lise, when you get a little older, you'll learn that Friday is just another day between NBC's "Must See Thursday" and CBS' "Saturday night craporama".
- Alien: I bring you peace.
- Homer: As a representative of planet Earth, let me be the first to say...
- [realizing his leg is on fire, he screams and tries to put it out]
- Homer: [the alien leaves] D'oh! It's gone. And we still don't have any proof.
- Bart Simpson: [holding up Flanders' camcorder] Oh, yes, we do. I got it all on tape.
- Lisa: Dad, according to "Junior Skeptic Magazine", the chances are 175 million to 1 of another form of life actually coming in contact with ours.
- Homer: So?
- Lisa: It's just that the people who claim they've seen aliens are always pathetic lowlifes with boring jobs. Oh, and you, dad.
- [she chuckles nervously]
- Bart Simpson: [coming in with a Super Soaker, improvised antennae on a helmet, and droopy-eye spring glasses] I am the thing from Uranus.
- Homer: [whimpering, then realizing] Oh, it's Bart. I can't believe it. I'm being mocked by my own children. On my birthday.
- Bart Simpson: It's your birthday?
- Homer: Yes. Remember? It's the same day as the dog's.
- Lisa: [the family begins cuddling and petting the dog] Santa's Little Helper, it's your birthday? Ooh, we've got to get you a present. Yes, we do. Yes, we do.
- Bart Simpson: We love you, boy.
- Marge Simpson: Good doggy. Good doggy.
- Homer: [muttering under his breath] Lousy, loveable dog.
- Bart Simpson: Well, Lise, what do you think about the alien now?
- Lisa: I think there must be a more logical explanation, and I think the people of this town aren't going to be won over by three seconds of videotape.
- Homer: [hearing the doorbell, he opens the front door to see a group of townspeople outside] Uh... I'm happy to answer any questions you have about the alien. Any questions at all.
- [Dr. Hibbert raises his hand]
- Homer: Dr. Hibbert?
- Dr. Hibbert: Yes, is the alien carbon-based or silicon-based?
- Homer: Uh... the second one. Zilliphone. Next question.
- Barney: Is the alien Santa Claus?
- Homer: Uh... yes.
- Ned Flanders: Uh, were you on my roof last night stealing my weather vane?
- Homer: This interview is over!
- [as he goes back inside and slams the door, said weather vane falls to the ground]
- Bart: Leonard Nimoy? What are you doing here?
- Leonard Nimoy: Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, cosmic forces shall draw me near.
- Bart: [flippantly] Uh-huh.
- Hot Dog Vendor: Hey Spock, what do you want on your hot dog?
- Leonard Nimoy: Surprise me.