Mary Kay Bergman: Judge Julie • Principal Victoria • School Board Woman

Sexual Harassment Panda

Judge Julie • Principal Victoria • School Board Woman

Judge Julie: Answer the question. Did you know that sexual harassment was going on in the classroom?
Mr. Garrison: No, I had no friggin idea.
Gerald Brofloski: Mr. Garrison, do you know the definition of sexual harassment?
Mr. Garrison: Of course, and so does Mr. Hat! We do no tolerate sexual harassment!
Judge Julie: You are the witness here, Mr. Garrison, not Mr. Hat.
Mr. Garrison: I'm sorry, toots.
Gerald Brofloski: Did you or did you not hear my client being called an ass-sucker?
Mr. Garrison: Yes.
Gerald Brofloski: And you did nothing?
Mr. Garrison: He is a little ass-sucker.
[the gallery laughs]
Judge Julie: Mr. Garrison, I will remind you that we are in court!
Mr. Garrison: Okay, baby, I'm sorry.

Gerald Brofloski: Principal Victoria, were you aware that my client was being sexually harassed at your school?
Principal Victoria: Well, not any more than any other student.
Gerald Brofloski: Oh, so you admit that harassment goes on?
Principal Victoria: I don't know!
Gerald Brofloski: You don't know? You're the principal?
Principal Victoria: I can't be around every second!
Gerald Brofloski: So it does go on!
Principal Victoria: Alright, alright. I killed him! I hit him over the head and cut up the body! I tried to burn it, but it wouldn't burn! Oh, the smell of it! I put the legs in garbage bags and hid the torso under a bridge. I had to do it!
[Principal victoria sobs in panic]
Principal Victoria: Oh God!
Gerald Brofloski: Principal Victoria, was Eric Cartman called an ass-sucker? Yes or no?
[Principal Victoria stops crying]
Principal Victoria: I believe so, yes.

Gerald Brofloski: Kids, are you tired of being harassed at school? Sick of being called a 'homo'? A 'farty pants'? A 'butt... face'? Then call me, Kyle's dad, and I'll help you...
[Gerald shuts his briefcase]
Gerald Brofloski: ...close the lid on sexual harassment in school!
Principal Victoria: After a boy in class tried to put his tongue in my mouth, I knew I needed legal help. Kyle's dad helped me get a $1.6 million settlement, and this bright new shiny bicycle! Thank you, Kyle's dad!
[Clyde is on a yacht]
Clyde Donovan: Kyle's dad got me $1.4 million and he can do it for you too! Just look at all these beautiful girls!
Gerald Brofloski: So call me, Kyle's dad! Because it's not about money, it's about...
[pause]
Gerald Brofloski: Wait, what am I saying? Call me!
[Gerald jumps up for joy]
Gerald Brofloski: [Commercial jingle: Kids picking on you, well, don't be sad, just sue their asses with Kyle's dad!]