Ashton Kutcher credited as playing...
Michael Kelso
- Michael Kelso: [Kelso needs money to buy Jackie a Valentine's Day gift] I am not sellin' blood. There is no way that anything inside of my body's comin' out for cash.
- Eric Forman: That's too bad, Kelso, 'cause I hear there's this clinic in Madison that'll pay you for your, um, "manly donations".
- Michael Kelso: [confused at first] "Manly donations"? No way! They'll pay you for that? Well, I'll do *that*! I'm good at *that*!
- Michael Kelso: [later he comes back, bragging] Easiest money I ever made. They paid me 50 bucks for my "underpants navy".
- Steven Hyde: You mean your "corduroy commandos"?
- Fez: Yeah, your "team from the inseam"?
- Eric Forman: Your "battlepants galactica"?
- Eric Forman: [everyone congratulates Eric on a 'good one'] It just came to me. Thank you.
- Michael Kelso: [Donna complains to Kelso about his brother, but his "job" at the sperm bank has made him impatient] Y'know, if you're mad at Casey, why don't you go yell at him? I'm too tired from workin' all day to argue.
- Fez: Oh, to be a working stiff.
- Ruth: [Jackie demands that the sperm bank return Kelso's 'donation' to her] I'm sorry, Miss, but I can't give it to you. The donor himself is the only one who has legal rights over the specimen.
- Jackie Burkhart: [turns to Kelso] Fine. Michael, you get them. You're the only one who has rights over your special men.
- Michael Kelso: Jackie, what do you care what I do with my special men?
- Ruth: "Specimen". I said, *specimen*.