Orson Bean credited as playing...
Norman
- Alan Harper: Norman, this is Berta.
- Norman: Hello.
- Berta: What is this, a fix-up?
- Alan Harper: No, uh, nothing like that.
- Berta: That's good, because I'd probably kill him.
- [to Norman]
- Berta: Nothing personal, Cottontop, I just kinda like it rough.
- Alan Harper: [to Norman] Have another cookie.
- Berta: So, is anyone gonna tell me what's going on?
- Alan Harper: Well, it's a little complicated. Charlie -
- [Berta cuts him off]
- Berta: Got it.
- Evelyn Harper: You know what, Norman? You look a lot like my fifth husband.
- Norman: Really? How many times you been married?
- Evelyn Harper: Four.
- Norman: Can I give you a little advice, kid?
- Charlie Harper: Sure.
- Norman: I was a player once, like you.
- Charlie Harper: Do tell.
- Norman: Does the name "Tuesday Weld" mean anything to you?
- Charlie Harper: No.
- Norman: Joey Heatherton?
- Norman: The immortal Miss Anne Francis? TV's Honey West?
- Charlie Harper: Sorry.
- Norman: Well, look 'em up on your internet. They were all hot and I nailed 'em.
- Charlie Harper: Really? Well, kudos.
- Norman: But nothing lasts forever. There's going to come a time when you'll want to settle down. I only hope you don't make the same mistake I did. I picked a young hottie 'cause I figured if I was gonna die, it'd be in the sack, with a smile on my face.
- Charlie Harper: That's my retirement plan.
- Norman: But it doesn't work that way. What happens is... you get your heart broken, and you wind up having a coffee klatsch with some putz who never heard of Honey West.