Frank McGrath credited as playing...
Charlie Wooster
- Major Seth Adams: Well, Mr Charles B, what are we having for supper tonight?
- Charlie Wooster: Stew.
- Major Seth Adams: Stew? It's not stew. It looks like the same mucka muck we had last night.
- Charlie Wooster: Major, you're sure getting to be a fussy feeder.
- Major Seth Adams: How can the same thing be hash one night and stew the next?
- Charlie Wooster: By adding water.
- Major Seth Adams: And what are you gonna call it tomorrow night?
- Charlie Wooster: Soup.
- Major Seth Adams: Charlie, what are you trying to do? Stretch one piece of meat from Kansas to Californie?
- Charlie Wooster: All the years I bin with you, you never once come to me and said "Charlie, you're a good cook."
- Major Seth Adams: What do you want me to do, Charlie? Lie to you?
- Charlie Wooster: Well, from the looks of you, you ain't starving.
- Major Seth Adams: [looks down at his well-fed belly] Aw shuddup.
- Charlie Wooster: [as the major walks away] Getting fatter everyday.
- Major Seth Adams: What's that?
- Charlie Wooster: I hope it lasts another day
- [a quick lie as the Major readjusts his belly]
- Major Seth Adams: WOOSTER!
- Charlie Wooster: See, what'd I tell you. He's going to bellow himself into a relapse. Come on... Here we are, Major.
- Major Seth Adams: What in tarnation took you so long?
- Charlie Wooster: I've only been gone five minutes.
- Major Seth Adams: You've been gone seven minutes, don't you lie to me. Well, why don't you ask me how I am?
- Charlie Wooster: I wouldn't dare.
- Major Seth Adams: Damn blasted blockhead. Why don't you wear your glasses so you can see where you're going?
- Cain Transfuga: You get back in bed.
- Major Seth Adams: How can anyone stay in bed with that chowderhead driving like he does?
- Charlie Wooster: Oh boy. He's been a holy terror today.
- Major Seth Adams: I heard that.
- Cain Transfuga: Major Adams, for the moment, you are my patient. Now you get back in that bed where you belong, or you get up on that horse and lead the train.