Rob Lowe credited as playing...
Sam Seaborn
- Sam Seaborn: Ms. O'Brian, I understand your feelings, but please believe me when I tell you that I am a nice guy having a bad day. I just found out the Times is publishing a poll that says that a considerable portion of Americans feel that the White House has lost energy and focus. A perception that is not likely to be altered by the video footage of the President riding his bicycle into a tree. As we speak, the Coast Guard are fishing Cubans out of the Atlantic Ocean, while the governor of Florida wants to blockade the port of Miami. A good friend of mine is about to get fired for going on television and making sense. And it turns out that I accidentally slept with a prostitute last night. Now, would you please in the name of compassion tell me which one of those kids is my boss's daughter?
- Mallory O'Brian: That would be me.
- Sam Seaborn: You.
- Mallory O'Brian: Yes.
- Sam Seaborn: [realizing the ambiguity of the phrasing] "Leo's daughter's fourth-grade class."
- Mallory O'Brian: Yes.
- Sam Seaborn: Well, this is bad on so many levels.
- Toby Ziegler: You think the United States is under attack from 1,200 Cubans in rowboats?
- Sam Seaborn: I'm not saying I don't like our chances.
- Toby Ziegler: Mind-boggling to me we ever won an election.
- Laurie: Tell your friend POTUS he's got a funny name, and he should learn how to ride a bicycle.
- Sam Seaborn: I would, but he's not my friend; he's my boss. It's not his name, it's his title.
- Laurie: POTUS?
- Sam Seaborn: President of the United States. I'll call ya.
- Mallory O'Brian: I'm sorry to be rude, but are you a moron?
- Sam Seaborn: In this particular area, yes.
- Mallory O'Brian: The 18th president was Ulysses S. Grant and the Roosevelt Room was named for Theodore.
- Sam Seaborn: Really?
- Mallory O'Brian: There's like a six-foot painting on the wall of Teddy Roosevelt.
- Sam Seaborn: I should have put two and two together.
- Mallory O'Brian: Yes.
- Sam Seaborn: The thing is while there really are a great many things on which I can speak with authority, I'm not good at talking about the White House.
- Mallory O'Brian: You're the White House Deputy Communications Director and you're not good at talking about the White House?
- Sam Seaborn: Ironic, isn't it?
- [Sam's first line]
- Sam Seaborn: I don't think we're going to run the table, if that's what you're asking.