Martin Sheen credited as playing...
President Josiah Bartlet
- President Josiah Bartlet: Good. I like your show. I like how you call homosexuality an abomination.
- Dr. Jenna Jacobs: I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does.
- President Josiah Bartlet: Yes, it does. Leviticus.
- Dr. Jenna Jacobs: 18:22.
- President Josiah Bartlet: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I had you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important 'cause we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: Touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you? One last thing: While you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.
- President Josiah Bartlet: I'm sorry. Uh, you're Dr. Jenna Jacobs, right?
- Dr. Jenna Jacobs: Yes, Sir.
- President Josiah Bartlet: It's good to have you here.
- Dr. Jenna Jacobs: Thank you.
- President Josiah Bartlet: The awesome impact of the airwaves and how that translates into the furthering of our national discussions, but also obviously how it can... Forgive me, Dr. Jacobs. Are you an M.D.?
- Dr. Jenna Jacobs: A Ph.D.
- President Josiah Bartlet: A Ph.D.
- Dr. Jenna Jacobs: Yes, Sir.
- President Josiah Bartlet: In psychology?
- Dr. Jenna Jacobs: No, Sir.
- President Josiah Bartlet: Theology?
- Dr. Jenna Jacobs: No.
- President Josiah Bartlet: Social work?
- Dr. Jenna Jacobs: I have a Ph.D. in English literature.
- President Josiah Bartlet: I'm asking 'cause on your show, people call in for advice and you go by the name Dr. Jacobs on your show, and I didn't know if maybe your listeners were confused by that and assumed you had advanced training in psychology, theology or health care.
- Dr. Jenna Jacobs: I don't believe they are confused. No, Sir.
- President Josiah Bartlet: I don't need to wait another week.
- Leo McGarry: Sir, let's play a game of "Who Do You Think I'm Going to Agree With?" Fourteen doctors say you should wait another week before assuming a campaign schedule. Who do you think I'm going to agree with?
- President Josiah Bartlet: Get away from me.
- Leo McGarry: Yes, sir.
- President Josiah Bartlet: And can you believe I'm on hold?
- C.J. Cregg: You're not, sir. You finished the call.
- President Josiah Bartlet: I did?
- C.J. Cregg: Yes, sir.
- President Josiah Bartlet: How'd it go?
- C.J. Cregg: Very well.
- President Josiah Bartlet: [addressing a radio personality party in the White House, entering room to applause] Thank you. Thank you very much. Thanks a lot. I wish I could spend more than a few minutes with you, but the polls don't close in the east for another hour, and there are plenty of election results still left to falsify.
- [everyone laughs]
- Toby Ziegler: Why does it feel like this? I've seen shootings before.
- President Josiah Bartlet: It wasn't a shooting, Toby. It was a lynching. They tried to lynch Charlie right in front of us, can you believe that?
- President Josiah Bartlet: Anybody know what the word "acalculia" means?
- Sam Seaborn: It's an inability to perform arithmetic functions. I'm sorry, Mr. President; you wanted to answer your own question, didn't you?
- President Josiah Bartlet: Yeah, but I'll get over it.
- Sam Seaborn: Good for you, sir, that's very mature.
- President Josiah Bartlet: Shut up.
- President Josiah Bartlet: Now, you don't take these people seriously 'cause they don't get anywhere nationally, but they don't have to. All they have to do is bit by little bit, get themselves on the boards of education and city councils; 'cause that's where all the governing that really matters to anybody really happens.
- C.J. Cregg: We do a little governing here, Mr. President.
- Sam Seaborn: When asked whose approach on important national problems do you think is generally best, President Bartlet or the Republican leaders of Congress, Bartlet gets 61 percent.
- President Josiah Bartlet: Well, 19 percent of the country has clearly made up their minds about me, 20 percent just feels sorry for me. This is what you want if you're the leader of the free world.