Colin Mochrie credited as playing...
Self
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Narrate", set at a bike shop] Excuse me, I'm looking for a special Schwinn, it has a banana seat and a "I Love Canada" sticker.
- [audience cheers]
- Ryan Stiles: Really.
- Colin Mochrie: Yeah.
- Ryan Stiles: [to camera] He asked for a banana seat. I wonder why.
- [to Colin]
- Ryan Stiles: A banana seat, you say? They're kinda rare nowadays.
- Colin Mochrie: Are they? You don't have anything like that in the shop?
- Ryan Stiles: Well, I got... one bike in the back room.
- Colin Mochrie: Really.
- [to camera]
- Colin Mochrie: Having been blinded by his tie, it took me a while to see that he actually had a banana seat sticking out the top of his pants. This was the man I'd been looking for for fifteen years. Now it was time for him to pay.
- [mimes pulling the banana seat out of Ryan's pants]
- Colin Mochrie: What's THIS? That's MY banana seat! MY BANANA SEAT!
- Ryan Stiles: [to camera, irritated] I'm going to get my gun.
- [mimes cocking shotgun]
- Colin Mochrie: [to camera] As he went for his gun, several emotions ran across my face: Fear, happiness, sadness. I knew I was going for an Emmy but would never get one. Man.
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Narrate", set in a bike shop]
- [miming pointing a gun]
- Colin Mochrie: I want you to assemble my bike the way it was fifteen years ago from all the scrap around here right now. Do it fast.
- Ryan Stiles: [mimes putting it together, then wheeling it up to Colin] Squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky.
- [Colin mimes getting on the bike]
- Ryan Stiles: [to camera] Yeah, it was put together. But wait 'til you see what happens when he rides it.
- Colin Mochrie: [mimes riding it and makes a crash noise] ... I didn't want the Firestone tires.
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Infomercial", about hair removal]
- [with a vuvuzela to his lips]
- Colin Mochrie: Doo-doo-doo-doo, I have no hair!
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Infomercial"] Hi there, we're the Phillips twins.
- [audience laughs]
- Ryan Stiles: Notice anything different about us?
- [Drew laughs]
- Ryan Stiles: That's right: One of us has lots of hair, the other has SOME hair.
- Colin Mochrie: Because the chicks love it. That's why...
- [some women in the audience cheer]
- Colin Mochrie: we've come up with a hair removal process that will make you ten times sexier than anyone with hair and a big nose.