David de Keyser credited as playing...
Israeli Ambassador
- Israeli Ambassador: Well, Jim, what are you going to do about St George's?
- James Hacker: You know about that?
- Israeli Ambassador: Obviously.
- James Hacker: Not a serious problem, is it?
- Israeli Ambassador: Isn't it? Your information must be better than mine.
- James Hacker: Don't be silly. Mine comes from the Foreign Office.
- Israeli Ambassador: Israeli Intelligence says that East Yemen are going to invade St George's Island in the next few days.
- James Hacker: What? So that's the connection.
- Israeli Ambassador: Your Foreign Office have agreed with East Yemen that they'll make strong diplomatic representations, but do nothing. In return, the Yemenis will let you keep your airport contract after they've taken over.
- James Hacker: There will be uproar!
- Israeli Ambassador: That's only the start. I happen to know from our ambassador in Washington that the Americans are going to support the present government of St George's.
- James Hacker: In the U.N.?
- Israeli Ambassador: No, in battle. On St George's Island. They'll send in an airborne division backed up by the Seventh Fleet.
- James Hacker: The Americans? Invading a Commonwealth country? The Palace will hit the roof. And I'll look ridiculous. Why didn't the Americans tell me?
- Israeli Ambassador: They don't trust you.
- James Hacker: Why not?
- Israeli Ambassador: Because you trust the Foreign Office.
- James Hacker: Oh, I see. What can I do about it?
- Israeli Ambassador: Jim, you have an airborne battalion on standby in Germany that is not now needed for the NATO exercise.
- James Hacker: How do you know?
- Israeli Ambassador: I know. Now, if you were to send it to St George's Island, it would frighten off East Yemen. They'd never dare invade. Of course, it's not for the Israeli ambassador to advise the British Prime Minister.
- James Hacker: And he wouldn't take your advice anyway.
- [picks up phone]
- James Hacker: Get me the Foreign Secretary and then the Defence Secretary, please.
- [hangs up]
- James Hacker: A wonder the Foreign Office didn't cover themselves. Maybe they did. They gave me several boxes tonight. I've been through them all except this one. I wonder if this could be it, "Northern Indian Ocean Situation Report". 138 pages, it must be it.
- [phone rings]
- James Hacker: Hello? Yes, Ronnie. I want the president of St George's Island to extend an invitation to Britain to send an airborne battalion on a goodwill visit. No, just a friendly gesture. Goodwill. Yes, at once, please. Thank you.
- [hangs up]
- James Hacker: He seemed to think that 800 fully armed paratroopers was an awful lot to send on a goodwill visit.
- Israeli Ambassador: No, it's just an awful lot of goodwill.
- James Hacker: [phone rings] Oh, yes, Paul. You know you have an airborne battalion on standby in Germany? Never mind how I know. Well, since it's not being used, I want them to fly straight off to St George's Island. Sort of between Africa and India. A goodwill visit. Just showing the flag. They have been invited. Yes. Leave in... six hours. Yes, an instant goodwill visit. Tell your press office to announce it at once. No, no, leave me out of it. A routine visit. All right - a routine surprise visit. Well, say they were invited earlier, but the NATO exercise got in the way. Now they're not needed, they're going anyway. All right. Nobody knows it's not true. Press statements aren't delivered under oath.
- [hangs up]
- James Hacker: They'll be off at midnight.
- Israeli Ambassador: It's well known that in the British Foreign Office an instruction from the Prime Minister becomes a request from the Foreign Secretary, then a recommendation from the Minister of State and, finally, just a suggestion to the ambassador. If it ever gets that far.