Harry Shearer: Principal Seymour Skinner • Dr. J. Loren Pryor • Mr. Prince
Bart the Genius
The Simpsons
Harry Shearer credited as playing...
Principal Seymour Skinner • Dr. J. Loren Pryor • Mr. Prince
- Principal Seymour Skinner: You there, no chewing gum on school grounds! In the trash can with it.
- Martin Prince: Principal Skinner, one of my fellow children is vandalizing school property.
- Principal Seymour Skinner: Oh, where?
- Martin Prince: Over there sir. See!
- Milhouse van Houten: Look out Bart! Here comes Skinner!
- Bart: Yikes!
- Dr. J. Loren Pryor: Now, Bart, we want to emphasize that nobody's angry about this. We're... we're just concerned. When a young man with a 216 IQ can't make a simple experiment work, well, it doesn't take a Bart Simpson to figure out that something's wrong. Tell me, is the class moving too slowly for you?
- Bart: Lord, no.
- Dr. J. Loren Pryor: Well, then, what can we do to make you happy?
- Bart: I wanna go back to my old class.
- Bart: Oh, but, Bart, don't you remember the boredom, the ennui, the intellectual malaise?
- Bart: Yeah, well, you know, kinda, um, but I was thinking I could go undercover.
- Dr. J. Loren Pryor: Undercover? Bart, I'm intrigued. Go on.
- Bart: Well, I could pretend I'm a regular, dumb kid. You know, to study them and all the stuff they do with each other. You know, see what makes 'em tick.
- Dr. J. Loren Pryor: I see. Like Jane Goodall and the chimps.
- Bart: Yeah.
- Dr. J. Loren Pryor: Uh-huh. This is most impressive, Bart. You write up your proposal while I talk to Principal Skinner.
- Bart: Proposal?
- Dr. J. Loren Pryor: You know, outline your project, what you hope to achieve, what you'll require to do it.
- Bart: Gotcha, man.
- [taking a pencil and paper as Dr. Pryor leaves]
- Bart: "'My proposal' by Bart Simpson'. I want to pretend I am a regular, dumb kid. Period. By this, I hope..." Oh, no. "For this, I will..." Ohh... "Require..." Ohh... Oh, man.
- [starting over]
- Bart: "'My confession', by Bart Simpson.' I *am* a regular, dumb kid. Period. I cheated on my intelligence test. Period."
- Dr. J. Loren Pryor: [coming back some time later] Ah, finished already? Principal Skinner will be very interested to see...
- [giving the proposal a glance]
- Dr. J. Loren Pryor: Oh. You know, you misspelled "confession."
- Dr. J. Loren Pryor: When a child with Bart's intellect is forced to slow down to the pace of a normal person, he's probably going to lash out in ways like these.
- [he indicates Skinner's file of Bart's troublemaking]
- Principal Seymour Skinner: I think we should re-test him.
- Dr. J. Loren Pryor: No, no. I think we should move him to another school.
- Principal Seymour Skinner: Ooh. Better yet.
- Homer: Doc, this is all too much. I mean, my son a genius? How does it happen?
- Dr. J. Loren Pryor: Well, genius-level intelligence is usually the result of heredity and environment. Although, in some cases, it's a total mystery.
- Dr. J. Loren Pryor: This aptitude test we administered this morning has revealed that the young Bart here is what we call a "gifted child."
- Homer: A what?
- Dr. J. Loren Pryor: Your son is a genius, Mr. Simpson.
- Marge: Bart?
- Homer: This lunkhead?
- Principal Seymour Skinner: Impossible.
- Dr. J. Loren Pryor: No, no, we're quite certain. The child is not supposed to know his own IQ, of course, but, uh, you can see it's beyond the range of any doubt.
- Homer: 912!
- Dr. J. Loren Pryor: Uh, no. You have it upside down. It's 216.
- Principal Seymour Skinner: [learning one of his students is vandalizing school property] Whoever did this is in very deep trouble.
- Martin Prince: And a sloppy speller, too. The preferred spelling of "wiener" is W-I-E-N-E-R, although "e-i" is an acceptable ethnic variant.
- Marge: Hello again, Principal Skinner.
- Homer: What have you done this time, boy?
- Principal Seymour Skinner: I caught your son defacing school property this morning. We estimate the damage at $75, and frankly, we think it's terribly unfair that other taxpayers should foot the bill.
- Homer: Yeah, it's a crummy system, but what are you gonna do?
- [Marge whispers in his ear]
- Homer: Oh, no. He can't mean that. My wife thinks you want me to pay for it.
- Principal Seymour Skinner: That was the idea.
- Homer: Oh.
- Principal Seymour Skinner: By itself, something like this might not call for an extreme penalty, but this is not an isolated incident.
- [opening a file cabinet with Bart's name on it]
- Principal Seymour Skinner: Bart's behavior is... unruly. He's frequently absent from school, then gives teachers pathetic excuse notes that are obviously childish forgeries compared to...
- [taking a check from Homer, he sees the handwriting is identical]
- Principal Seymour Skinner: Mr and Mrs Simpson, this is our district psychiatrist, Dr. J. Loren Pryor.
- Homer: What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.