Isaac Hayes credited as playing...
Chef
- Stan: Why would God let Kenny die, Chef? Why? Kenny's my friend. Why can't God take someone else's friend?
- Chef: [Soothing piano music is played] Stan, sometimes God takes those closest to us, because it makes him feel better about himself. He is a very vengeful God, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago. He just can't get over it, so he doesn't care who he takes. Children, puppies, it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand?
- Stan: But then, why does God give us anything to start with?
- Chef: Well, look at it this way: if you want to make a baby cry, first you give it a lollipop. Then you take it away. If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, then you would have nothin' to cry about. That's like God, who gives us life and love and help just so that he can tear it all away and make us cry, so he can drink the sweet milk of our tears. You see, it's our tears, Stan, that give God his great power.
- [Stan and Kyle enter the principal's office to find their parents, Mr. Mackey and Chef with Principal Victoria]
- Principal Victoria: Hello, boys.
- Stan: Wait. What's going on here?
- [Stan and Kyle back up a bit as their parents join them]
- Kyle: Alright, we don't know for sure why Cartman is ditching school, but it has something to do with abortion. That's all we know.
- Mr. Mackey: You didn't do anything wrong, boys. We just need to talk to you. Have a seat.
- [Stan and Kyle each take a seat and sit down]
- Mr. Mackey: Boys, uh... your little friend Kenny went to the hospital last night, m'kay.
- [Stan and Kyle look stunned]
- Mr. Mackey: And well, he's pretty sick.
- Stan: Kenny's sick?
- Kyle: Well, how sick?
- Chef: Children, Kenny has been diagnosed with a... terminal disease.
- Stan: [pauses] But... the doctors are gonna make him better, right?
- Sharon Marsh: Oh, dear.
- [Sharon buries her face in Randy's shoulder]
- Stan: Mom, that's what hospitals are for. They, they can make him better.
- Sharon Marsh: Randy...
- [Randy kneels beside Stan]
- Randy Marsh: They don't think so, Stanley. Your friend is terminally ill, and that means.. Well son... th- that means he's going to be going to heaven soon.
- Kyle: Wait. Kenny's going to die?
- Gerald Broflovski: He might, Kyle.
- Stan: [tearing up] ... But... he's our... fu... fufu- friend.
- Mr. Mackey: We know, and that's why he's going to need you boys to be strong for him, m'kay? He needs you now more than ever.
- Stan: No! This can't happen! Kenny can't die! Kenny can't die!
- [Stan buries his face in Randy's arm and begins sobbing]