Julie Kavner credited as playing...
Marge Simpson • Patty Bouvier
- [Lisa is missing a crayon; Homer had a crayon removed from his brain making him smarter]
- Marge: [reassuringly] Sweetheart, the missing crayon could be anywhere.
- Homer: [crashes through living room window and holds up two fistfuls of tickets] Who wants lottery tickets?
- Marge: [resigned] Okay, it's in his brain.
- [leaves]
- Marge: Oh, Homer, where have you been?
- Homer: I just underwent a procedure to increase my IQ 50 points.
- Marge: Really?
- Homer: And they gave me this spiffy nerd ensemble, too.
- Marge: Do you feel smarter?
- Homer: Is the capital of North Dakota Bismarck?
- Lisa: [the family all looks to her] It is.
- Bart Simpson: I don't believe it. Say something else smart.
- Homer: Dr. Joyce Brothers may be well-known, but her psychological credentials are highly suspect.
- Lisa: [the family all looks to her again] It's true!
- Homer: Now, who's up for a trip to the library tomorrow? Notice I no longer say "liberry" or "tomorry".
- [at a Julia Roberts movie parody]
- Homer: That wasn't funny.
- Patty Bouvier: Wait a minute! Somebody's not laughing! It's him!
- Homer: Hey, don't blame me! This movie is tired and predictable! You know she's gonna wind up marrying Richard Gere!
- [all gasp]
- Dr. Hibbert: I thought she'd wind up with that rich snob.
- Sea Captain: Ably played by Bill Paxton.
- Homer: It's Bill Pullman, you fool!
- [gets thrown out]
- Movie Usher: Go point out your plot holes elsewhere!
- Homer: Family meeting. Family meeting.
- [the rest of the family runs into the dining room and quickly takes their seats]
- Homer: Okay, people, let's keep this short. We all want to get home to our families.
- [all laugh]
- Homer: All right, first item: I lost our life savings in the stock market. Now, let's move on to the real issue: Lisa's hogging of the maple syrup.
- Lisa: Well, maybe if Mom didn't make such dry waffles. There, I said it.
- Marge: Well, maybe if you ate some meat, you'd have a natural lubricant.
- [gasps and turns to Homer]
- Marge: You lost all our money?
- Homer: Point of order - I didn't lose ALL the money. There was enough left for this cowbell.
- [rings it softly and the bell breaks apart in his hands]
- Homer: Damn you, eBay!