Tracy Grandstaff: Daria Morgendorffer

Road Worrier

Daria Morgendorffer

Helen: [Quinn, at the dinner table, is showing her temporary tattoo] Quinn, what is that thing on your arm?
Quinn: Don't worry, mom! It's fake.
Daria: Aww, you got a tattoo to match your personality.

Trent: [Daria. returning from peeing in the bushes. climbs into the van and sits] Cool, Daria?
Daria: Yeah. I'm ready for my abuse, Mr. DeMille.
Trent: [cars begin slowly moving] Hey, looks like the traffic is letting up.
Daria: [to Jane] They're... not going to make fun of me?
Jane: For peeing in the woods? They're in a band, Daria. Those boys puke on each other on a regular basis.
Jesse Moreno: [to Trent] That reminds me, you owe me a shirt.

Daria: [Daria, offscreen, is trying to pee while in the bushes] Quit watching me, you squirrel pervert.

Helen: Your father went to one of the most famous festivals of the decade.
Quinn: Woodstock?
Jake Morgendorffer: Altamont! Terrible tragedy, but I demanded my money back and I got it.
Daria: Wasn't Altamont free?
Jake Morgendorffer: That's the same line they tried to use on me.

Daria: Can you rig that glue gun of yours to shoot bullets? I'm ready to end my suffering.
Jane: Well, you're not your usually sunny self.
Daria: I've got a bump on my head, a bug bite on my arm, a sandwich on my ass...
Jane: And all in front of Trent.
Daria: Now turn the knife counterclockwise. I can't go back out there. You go on to Alternapalooza; tomorrow, I'll emerge and begin my new life as a waitress.
Jane: Daria, if there's one thing I know about my brother is that he's oblivious. There's no need to be self-conscious.
Daria: [sighs] Okay.
Jane: Now what are you gonna do about that stain on your butt?
[Daria glares at Jane]
Jane: Kidding! It looks alternative.

Trent: We're thinking of changing our name. Do you think if we spelled Mystik Spiral with two y's it would be better?
Daria: [thinking] And if I spelled my name D-a-r-y-a I'd be crowned Miss America.

Jesse Moreno: Oh, man. That was Curtis Stalano.
Jane: Who?
Trent: He graduated with us. Now he's working in a toll booth. Whoa.
Jesse Moreno: You'd never catch me at a job like that.
Daria: [Thinking to herself] Because it falls under the category of employment.
Trent: Hey man, we're artists. Who knows where we'll be in five years.
Daria: [Thinking to herself] Still living over your parents' garage?
Jane: [Loudly whispering] Say it, Daria. Whatever you're thinking, say it. If you don't, they'll go on like this for hours.
Jesse Moreno: We've got a vision.
Trent: Eyes on the prize, man. Eyes on the prize.
Jesse Moreno: Yeah, and this guy's not about selling out.
Trent: No way.
Jane: 'Cause for that to happen, you'd need someone interested in buying.
[pause]
Jane: Well someone had to pick up the slack!

Daria Morgendorffer: Can you rig that glue-gun of yours to shoot bullets? I'm ready to end my suffering.
Jane Lane: Well, you're not your usual sunny self.
Daria Morgendorffer: I've got a bump on my head, a bug bite on my arm, a sandwich on my ass...
Jane Lane: And all in front of Trent.
Daria Morgendorffer: ...Now turn the knife counterclockwise. I can't go back out there; you go on to Alternapalooza. Tomorrow, I'll emerge and begin my new life as a waitress.